From wand to wang in 2 seconds

What? You like other sites besides Spamusement? Unacceptable!
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Zombie Protestor
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From wand to wang in 2 seconds

Postby Zombie Protestor » Mon Mar 05, 2007 8:01 pm

Found this on teh intarwebs, and thought you guys might like it. Below is the excerpt, in which the author lists highlights from the book, with added punctuation where it was forgotten:

Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book.
Let's see the results...

"Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
"Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything.

A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

"Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
"Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls.

"Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

"He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them."

Ok
I have found, definitive proof that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all:
"Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
O_______O

Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang.

Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.
This post not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If numbness or tingling persists for more than an hour after reading, please consult a physician.

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Postby DarthCat » Mon Mar 05, 2007 9:41 pm

You delightful little scamp! Whatever are we to do with you? (The person who made this whole mess, as well as yourself for posting it here)

I say, the reason for this whole sticky wicket is simply that Rowling's humour and intellecte are far too advanced for the other beings on this planet. It's quite as simple as that.

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Postby katzenkoenig » Tue Mar 06, 2007 6:52 am


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kupo
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Postby kupo » Tue Mar 06, 2007 5:25 pm

katzenkoenig wrote:http://bash.org/?111338


I totally forgot about that site. It is wonderful. Thank you.
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