Spam: new lows

[Dusk]

Here's a spam I received today.

Subject: DONATION FOR THE LORD
From: Mrs OLU WINDY
PLEASE ENDEAVOUR TO USE IT FOR THE CHILDREN OF GOD.I am the above name person from Sierra-Leone. I am married to Dr WINDY EMEE who worked with Sierra Leonian Embassy in South Africa for nine years before he died in the year 2001. We were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. Before his death we
were both born again Christians and we lived happilly. Since his death, I decided not to re-marry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is really against.
When my late husband was alive he secured $15Million (Fifteen Million U.S. Dollars) with financial institution here in Cote D'Ivoire. Presently, this money is still with the financial institution. Recently, my Doctor told me that from all the test conducted on my health, I am not going to last long, expecially, due to my cancer and stroke. But what disturbs me most now is stroke.
Having known my condition, I decided to donate this fund to churches or Christian individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to
instruct. I want a church or individual that will use this money to fund churches, Orphanages and Widows. Also, the propagation of the work of God, building and maintaining the house of God through this money, is very important.
The Bible made us to understand that Blessed is the hand that giveth. I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this
money and my husband relatives are not Christians. I don?t want my husband's hard earned money to be misused by unbelievers, for their own selfish interest and in an ungodly manner. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bossom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace.
I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health, and because of the presence of my husband's relatives around me sometimes. I don't want them to know about this development, but I know that With God all things are possible.
As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the Financial institution in Ivory coast. I will also give you all information regarding the deposit of this money. I will also issue you a letter of authority that will empower you as the original- beneficiary of this fund. I want you and your church to always pray for me because God work in misterious ways. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Who ever that wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and truth. Please always be prayerful all through your life.
Any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing for a church or christian individual for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein. Hoping to hear from you soon.
Remain blessed in the name of the Lord.
Yours in Christ,
Mrs OLU WINDY

I know I shouldn't be surprised, but this really struck me as a new low.
Whether or not you're a religious person, this is playing dirty.

[Chrono Crow]

Y'know, I got that same email a few days ago, and I started to make a Star Wars-related comic out of it, but then I realized I'd butcher Darth Vader worse than he was at the end of Return Of The Jedi.

[kupo]

[i]I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bossom of the Lord.

He's confused.


(PS-Dear Spamusement, I will not mark anything as NSFW. You shouldn't be on the internet at work. Love always, kupo)

[EvilJekyll]

Love always, kupo)

Aww Kupo loves us.

Also, I'm not sure I understand this letter right. Is it saying that somehow if you give money to them, you will receive a share of the 15M to donate to a church that was secured by this person's husband?

[Dusk]

Mmm g_d bosoms.

BOSOMS
Thank you boob lady.

I think the email is asking for bank details isn't it? Isn't that what they normally do? :shrug: I can't be bothered reading it again.

[Chrono Crow]

Thank you boob lady.

Hahaha. Classic.

[catastrophile]

Also, I'm not sure I understand this letter right. Is it saying that somehow if you give money to them, you will receive a share of the 15M to donate to a church that was secured by this person's husband?

I believe the idea is that her failing health precludes her from finding a worthy organization to turn the money over to, so she'd like to turn it over to YOU along with the obligation to use it for God's work.

Unlike the old greed-based 419 scam, this approach works two ways: If you're motivated by greed, you solemnly promise the old lady to take care of the money, since there will be no one to check up on you once she croaks. On the other hand, maybe you plan to live up to your promise and actually give the money to churches and whatnot. Either way, once you turn over your account information you're f@cked.

EDIT: http://www.419eater.com/html/joseph_otumba.htm

[Skimba]

EDIT: http://www.419eater.com/html/joseph_otumba.htm

Well, that was fun.

[catastrophile]

Also:

[EvilJekyll]

So what was the Spears link to?

[catastrophile]

This.

[EvilJekyll]

Wow...That's...Not very related to her personally, as much as her habits.

[James]

That's right: I got laid twice last weekend, by two different girls.

I like that second one. She is really stupid. She is really stupid.

Man, she really is stupid.

[Dusk]

That's right: I got laid twice last weekend, by two different girls.

How cool is that?

[James]

That is at least moderately cool; probably very cool! [size=0]I know that wasn't in the e-mail you bastards.[/size]

[catastrophile]

http://www.bankrate.com/brm/news/advice ... net_a1.asp

EDIT:



Can't argue with that.

[James]

That is probably the best e-mail I've ever seen.

[Nik]

I just found this a bit amusing, because it's on my school email and apparently if I find this guy he'll enlarge my penis.

[Gelatine Cow]

No, I think he genuinely wants to know how to do it, and has therefore consulted an expert.

[Nik]

No, I think he genuinely wants to know how to do it, and has therefore consulted an expert.

Well, I am good for some things, yes.

But I figured it was a rhetorical, like "hey, you know what the best kind of pie is? Key lime"

[Gelatine Cow]

I see.

[Dusk]

Mmm key lime pie.

[Nik]

How'd you know which school I went to? STALKER.

[SemiNomad]

heavily modified boyfriend

Sounds like something out a William Gibson novel. Maybe Nik was dating V.E.R.N.O.N.

[Nik]

heavily modified boyfriend

Sounds like something out a William Gibson novel. Maybe Nik was dating V.E.R.N.O.N.

How'd you know? STALKER!