THIS ARE THE NEWS

by **stevenf** » Thu Dec 13, 2007 2:30 pm

I see too many weird headlines on the internet to not share them with you all.

by **stevenf** » Thu Dec 13, 2007 2:38 pm

by **Saltine** » Thu Dec 13, 2007 3:00 pm

The answer may arouse you!

by **MysticalDescent** » Thu Dec 13, 2007 4:24 pm

Saltine wrote:The answer may arouse you!

Hahahaha.

With regards to the first news article,

Some men from <whatever place/group you like to mock> decide that they should rob a bank. They search for a suitable and vulnerable location and finally decide on a target. In the dead of night, they flawlessly break in and reach the vaults. They crack open the first safe and are disappointed to find a jar of vanilla ice cream. They decide to eat it as a treat for themselves and carry on. They open the next safe and find that it, too, is full of Vanilla ice cream, which they eat. They continue searching and each time they find some ice cream, eating it on every occasion. They find no money and leave the bank feeling rather nauseous. They still feel nauseous in the morning and wake up to the headline on the local newspaper: '<location of subjects>'s LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED'.

That was poor.

by **James** » Thu Dec 13, 2007 4:27 pm

THIS IS THE NEWS.

by **EvilJekyll** » Thu Dec 13, 2007 6:06 pm

MysticalDescent wrote:That was poor.

Funny, but unrealistic.

by **stevenf** » Thu Dec 13, 2007 7:17 pm

How could I have left out this one.

by **Skimba** » Thu Dec 13, 2007 7:18 pm

stevenf wrote:How could I have left out this one.

That's my favorite yet.

by **Saltine** » Thu Dec 13, 2007 8:02 pm

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD don't click the video link

by **Gelatine Cow** » Thu Dec 13, 2007 8:08 pm

Oops! Dropped one!

Yes, they are shopping for individual Skittles.

by **catastrophile** » Thu Dec 13, 2007 11:58 pm

"skittles"

by **Skimba** » Fri Dec 14, 2007 11:13 am

catastrophile wrote:"skittles"

by **James** » Fri Dec 14, 2007 1:38 pm

Like, the game you get in old pubs with the wooden ball?

I think I've only been to one pub that has that.

by **stevenf** » Fri Dec 14, 2007 4:34 pm

BREAKING NEWS: Some baseball players use drugs!

by **Mimiheart** » Fri Dec 14, 2007 4:49 pm

What did the news ever do that it needed to be broken?

This headline is really bugging me:

Baseline Killer suspect get 438 years

by **Chrono Crow** » Fri Dec 14, 2007 6:27 pm

by **James** » Fri Dec 14, 2007 6:28 pm

Hahahahaha.

by **stevenf** » Fri Dec 14, 2007 6:55 pm

Well played, E! Online, well played.

by **ntw3001** » Fri Dec 14, 2007 8:29 pm

Chrono Crow wrote:

-_-

Wait... is it that Ike Turner... defeated Tina Turner... in the race to die? Becuase if so, that's a gloriously funny headline written by a man after my own heart.

by **Chrono Crow** » Fri Dec 14, 2007 9:03 pm

It would be hilarious if it wasn't the New York Post. A professionally-written article shouldn't be something that callous. Though, the line is funny. Just not for the guy's obituary.

by **chrismachine** » Fri Dec 14, 2007 11:41 pm

ecxept that, given the chance, he would have been guilty of the literal transation as well.

by **catastrophile** » Sat Dec 15, 2007 12:06 am

Chrono Crow wrote:the New York Post

Chrono Crow wrote:professionally-written

by **quetzalcoatlus** » Sat Dec 15, 2007 5:01 am

stevenf wrote:

Well played, E! Online, well played.

This would be funnier if the actual tour he's going on in character wasn't called Cox Across America to begin with.

Still my favorite incredibly unfortunate headline: Depp's 'Chocolate Factory' Has Tasty Opening.

by **kupo** » Sat Dec 15, 2007 1:33 pm

stevenf wrote:

Testing, testing, 1 2 3, is this thing on?

by **Nik** » Sat Dec 15, 2007 2:09 pm

kupo wrote:
stevenf wrote:

Testing, testing, 1 2 3, is this thing on?

Yes, I read you loud and clear.

Hey, this is cheaper than talking on a cell phone! But less socially acceptable!

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