A whine and complain thread

[kupo]

Hello, friends. With the creation of the BLURT thread, I have not created a complainy thread in about a year.
I think you're all overdue to hear me whine.
I'm going to be self centered here and complain/ask for advice.

See, for the longest time I've loathed the concept of long distance relationships. Especially online relationships. Yet, I've continued to fall for people online. It's a silly concept, really. Especially when there's such an overwhelmingly large amount of distance between two people. But, if the ambition is there, you can make it work.

There has been success on these forums, so I've seen.
There's no success for me.
I have been in love with someone for close to a year now. It's gone no where. At the beginning I had so much hope. So much goddamn hope. But, this guy apparently doesn't care about me. He doesn't work. He doesn't do anything with his time. I keep falling for people who don't do anything. Who don't have ambition in life. Leading me to feel that even I'm not worth the attempt.
So, personally, I think that I've waited long enough for this person to prove he loves me. And I'm tired.
I'm tired of feeling like no one will ever truly love me. I'm becoming selfish, yes. I want someone with a job, with a car, someone who lives nearby who LOVES me enough to show it physically and emotionally as much as verbally. I'm tired.
Quite frankly, you know, I kinda might just give up. I'm expecting the worst lately. I even went as far as to break up with this guy on more than one occasion, and I've dated other people, but that wasn't even enough for him to say "hey, geez, maybe I should change how I do things to prove to her that I do love her" How goddamn hard is it to get out of your house and at least LOOK for a job? Even if you know you're not going to do it, stop making promises.

Why am I working and going to school while there are people out there who don't even do either? asdf.

And that's my rant. The end. I'm tired.

[fanelian]

You are worth it, Kupo. You are worth everything. That's why these kind of guys keep getting to you: you are too good for them, but you don't realize it. They give you lots of words and incredible, amounts of sincere affection because they realize how goddamn lucky they are.

And I'm not saying they are absolutely worthless, it's just that their momentum hasn't arrived and it's too far away from yours. The thing is, where they see the greatness of you, to which you are blind, you realize the potential in them that they don't. The timing is the problem, I believe.

Or whatever.

We will have to have some beers, Kups. And we should do some Karaoke. The mexican Karaoke classics are all about women in love-pain hahaha. Not all of them, but most of what you hear.

[Null]

Dear Kupo:

1. You're definitely worth the effort.

2. You're more loved than you know.

Null

[giantsfan97]

First of all... ladies: DON'T expect men to change for you. Love them for who they are, or don't. If they change for you it's should just be a bonus.

Second... kupo: You offer so much to geeky guys out there I really think that you could have just about any one of them that you want. The trouble of course being that they are geeky, and thus not easy to find because they are probably at their computer.

Also,

Why am I working and going to school while there are people out there who don't even do either?

Because you are a decent human being. Live with it

[PixieWolfe]

Dear Kupo,

You're too awesome to be beating yourself up over jerky guys.

This may sound overly simple, but it's true: Raise your standards!

Don't go with someone and hope for them to "improve", because they probably won't.

Don't settle!!! Hold out for someone with high values similar to yours.

Be comfortable with yourself and you will attract good people.

{{{hugs}}}

Pixie

No Jerks, Please.

[Skimba]

Kupo,
We shall talk at Spamucon '08.
I also believe in beers and karaoke.
Maybe Nik knows, or I will investigate online, somewhere around there that has karaoke when we are all there.
Love, Skimba

[Nik]

I will try my best to find, worst case scenario, we sing in our house (lolz).


Also, this thread makes me feel exceedingly guilt-filled.

[Null]

[catastrophile]

BEWBS!!!

Also, this thread makes me feel exceedingly guilt-filled.

As well it should.

[Saltine]

2. You're more loved than you know

RUN KUPO HE'S STANDING BEHIND YOU

Oh ha ha, but I kid. Seriously, I have no doubt that you'll find your "Mr. Job-Car-Proximity".

If you were ten years older, I'd suggest looking at dating services or singles' clubs just to meet people in your area with certain minimum qualifications. There's no way to arrange chemistry with these services... but it does make it easier to meet people.

At your age you should probably just make sure to go out and do things so you meet people the old fashioned way (e.g., malt shops, sock hops, arranged marriages). School is a treasure trove of meetage. And, since you're actually meeting them physically, there's a good chance they are nearby.

Or dating services are fine too.

I will also repeat the obvious truths that you already know but may serve to massage your bruised ego a bit: you are worth it; you will be truly loved; you shall date non-losers; you can have hope; you may use the bathroom.

Yeah, people here know and love you. We're just a little too virtual for that to be helpful datingwise; see earlier advice. I'm texting you an e-hug or something.

[Skimba]

Oh, and also....
A JOB AND A CAR?
Wow, that's being hopeful.

They do exist. But like the wild, elusive giant squid, one must be patient and persevere their goal, and eventually they get rewarded for their endurance.

[jvcc]

It sounds like you're really hurt that this guy doesn't seem to love you. I think sometimes that people have a lot of baggage and issues so they can't even love themselves. So even if they do have someone great in their life, they can't see it or appreciate it. I'm not sure if that's the case with this guy, but don't feel like it's your fault.

My brother just broke up with his girlfriend who didn't seem to care about him or life or anything. He moved up to Michigan to be with her, and cared so much about her. The whole time I was thinking that she didn't deserve him. My brother's a great and energetic guy, but he was just being dragged down by his girlfriend's lethargic attitude. I say this because it killed me to watch him go through that, and I wouldn't want to see that happen to anyone else.

[Chrono Crow]

WHY MUST YOU BRING OUR PERSONAL LIFE TO THE FORUMS?!

But seriously, I'm actually much like the antagonist in your story there. I drive Moni batshit crazy because I'm an unmotivated lout. But my problem isn't that I'm too lazy to work. I'm too lazy to find a job. My social skills are ass. If I were actually working, I would do it, and I would do it well. I have no doubt. But in interviews, and even over the phone, I wig out, and start acting like a tool. I am lazy, though. It took me far too long to complete my GED courses. I feel like I'm taking advantage of the poor girl, most of the time. But the truth is, without her, I wouldn't even be where I am, with a GED and an active job search. Hell, I'd be two states away from being the waterboy. I had nothing before her. I think that when you're young and anti-social, it's easier to sink so deep that even something as strong as love can't pull you out right away. It's not even shyness. It's just being terrified of people. People and their. . . durned opinions. Being depressed doesn't help much, either. This isn't so much advice as insight from someone who's apparently very much like your would-be boyfriend. I can't say be patient, because there have been many times where I felt so sorry for Moni, I wanted to break up just to give her relief. I know it's painful as hell. Long-distance relationships are difficult to manage, especially when one party hits a snag. All I can really say in the way of advice is be strong, whatever the outcome.

Oh, and when we say we love you ladies, we really friggin' mean it. We just fail at life. Literally.

[traubster]

Let me just chime in with some sage advice from the traubster: getting a job is OK, but it takes real ambition to get hit by a drunk driver and wait for the settlement to come in. All this online relationship crap is not lame enough. You have to risk life and limb if you want to live a truly lazy life.

One time, I spent over $300 on a stripper for lap dance after lap dance, until I told her I loved her. Don't wait too long. Grab on to the first thing that walks by. I asked her to my hotel for a "party" and that night my friend and I were able to humiliate her free of charge. Sometimes you have to think about how exactly you're going to go about love. And always, always have a plan of where to dump the body in case you squeeze too hard.

Love,
traubster

[giantsfan97]

<3 traubster

[Low-Tech]

Sounds like he's just doing the bare minimum possible to keep you hanging on, and you're not forcing the issue hard enough to convince him ( If he can even be convinced that is ) that you mean buisiness.

It must be frustrating, being lonely is no fun, and you probably see a lot of unrealized potential in him (obviously, since there had to be something to attract you in the first place ) but if his pattern has been one of empty promises, moved only when he must, potential or not, is that someone you really want to devote yourself to? Because this is a pattern, this is how he lives, and he'll forever have to be pushed and cajoled into things that others need not be.

Don't fall in love with what you think you can make of someone, or what they might be able to do if they were motivated properly, love the person that exsists right now, if your desire for a relationship won't motivate him, then why are you torturing yourself by continuing to try and make it so?

I'm not trying to dump on anyone, and I'm probably the least knowledgeable person when it comes to dating advice, considering I don't date and never have, but, maybe just maybe as an impartial observer to the whole dating game, I can see when something is so lobsided I have to wonder why someone continues to give to a person who isn't interrested in giving back.

You can do much better for yourself, maybe you should start by taking the difficult but ultimately rewarding step of realizing that this relationship can't bear any fruit, no matter how much you try, because the other side won't reciprocate.

Don't blame yourself, don't blame anyone in fact, just accept it as the way the world is in this case, if you want to stay with him, you should only expect more of what you've already recieved.

[kupo]

You are worth it, Kupo. You are worth everything. That's why these kind of guys keep getting to you: you are too good for them, but you don't realize it. They give you lots of words and incredible, amounts of sincere affection because they realize how goddamn lucky they are.

And I'm not saying they are absolutely worthless, it's just that their momentum hasn't arrived and it's too far away from yours. The thing is, where they see the greatness of you, to which you are blind, you realize the potential in them that they don't. The timing is the problem, I believe.

Your words really mean a lot to me. I know that many people have experienced what I'm experiencing, and it means a lot to me to know I'm not alone. Though I hate to think anyone else could be upset like I am.

Dear Kupo:

1. You're definitely worth the effort.

2. You're more loved than you know.

Null

Thank you. I hope that's true..

First of all... ladies: DON'T expect men to change for you. Love them for who they are, or don't. If they change for you it's should just be a bonus.

I don't really want people to "change" per se. I just...I don't think these people have had to change. I think they had potential. I guess I just though I could be inspiration to someone to unlock it. Or something silly like that. I realize people don't change. I guess that's what scares me the mostt.

Kupo,
We shall talk at Spamucon '08.
I also believe in beers and karaoke.
Maybe Nik knows, or I will investigate online, somewhere around there that has karaoke when we are all there.
Love, Skimba

I really like this whole idea a lot. I'm looking forward to it.

Also, this thread makes me feel exceedingly guilt-filled.

You have no reason to feel that way.

*Philippe and me

<3

Seriously, I have no doubt that you'll find your "Mr. Job-Car-Proximity".

lol. Thank you.

If you were ten years older, I'd suggest looking at dating services or singles' clubs just to meet people in your area with certain minimum qualifications. There's no way to arrange chemistry with these services... but it does make it easier to meet people.

At your age you should probably just make sure to go out and do things so you meet people the old fashioned way (e.g., malt shops, sock hops, arranged marriages). School is a treasure trove of meetage. And, since you're actually meeting them physically, there's a good chance they are nearby.

Hah. I tried online dating sites. That was the worst idea I've ever had. I really think it might have had potential, but I chose to date the wrong people on the sites.
I have a hard time meeting people the "old fashioned way" considering the fact that my time is mostly spent working/schooling/video gaming. And I'm not the "clubbin'" type of person (I respect those seals. lol. bleh).

Oh, and also....
A JOB AND A CAR?
Wow, that's being hopeful.

I KNOW! I'm living in a fantasy world.

I think sometimes that people have a lot of baggage and issues so they can't even love themselves.

Yes, I do believe that's his main problem. I think he might be so low on himself that he doesn't bother to try.

It's just being terrified of people. People and their. . . durned opinions. Being depressed doesn't help much, either.

No offense, but I sort of see that as a poor excuse. Have you tried going to a psychiatrist? Because I'd be in your shoes if it wasn't for medication. I don't care what anyone says. I'm tired of those "anti-medication" sorts. Sure, they're overprescribed, but without any I'd be screwed. I'm addicted, sure. But it'd be sad to waste your life due to fear. Especially fear of people. People are silly.

*some stuff about strippers*

Dear traubster, The biggest problem I have in your post is about the stripper. And the killing of her. And then dumping her dead body.
The problem lies within the fact that you shouldn't dump her dead body. Eating her corpse would be your best bet. Less evidence. Incinerate the bones. With love, kupo

Don't fall in love with what you think you can make of someone, or what they might be able to do if they were motivated properly, love the person that exsists right now, if your desire for a relationship won't motivate him, then why are you torturing yourself by continuing to try and make it so?

Because. I felt like this guy was my soulmate or some sappy crap like that. I have so much in common with him. Except for one big thing. The desire to live. I suppose I am torturing myself for something I think may happen. I don't know.

I don't know anything.
But, thank you everyone. And, no, as a side note this isn't a post to bash the guy. I really do care about him. Of course, who knows if that's reciprocated equally.

[giantsfan97]

OH SURE ONLY QUOTE THE NEGATIVE THING I SAID NOW IM GOING TO DROP OUT OF SCHOOL BECAUSE OF YOU

[Chrono Crow]

Maybe I do need therapy. It's just such an awkward situation. But explaining it will just make me sound like more of a puss, and will just sound like another excuse. But I will think about things.

[Null]

Prozac does help for depression. I was on it for a while, and while I was on it, I felt much, much better. Sorry for the autobiographical bit, I'll stop now.

[fanelian]

My ex had prozac prescribed to him. He suffered panic attaks and was afraid of new things. He got LOADS better.

In other news, the McD guy CALLED me. He called to let me know that Today would have been our 10th anniversary.

[Saltine]

Hah. I tried online dating sites. That was the worst idea I've ever had. I really think it might have had potential, but I chose to date the wrong people on the sites.

I think the key is to meet in real life relatively soon after your first contact with the person. Don't build up this wonderful virtual relationship over the course of weeks/months/years and then meet in person and discover it's crap. The point is just to increase the frequency of meeting people with certain minimum qualifications (e.g., willingness to date, a modicum of social skills, a modicum of physical attractiveness, a job, a car, two functioning kidneys). If you meet and it sucks, you've wasted a few days instead of a few weeks.

I have a hard time meeting people the "old fashioned way" considering the fact that my time is mostly spent working/schooling/video gaming.

What, they don't have people at this school?

[Skimba]

Side-ish note:
I dated a guy a few years ago who had real bad anxiety problems about people, new things, etc. He was on medication (It was something much stronger than prozac) and he went to therapy occasionally (he went more when he was younger).
It helped him a lot.
He actually used to do karaoke with me.
BUT, he didn't have a job or a car. He was a perpetual student and lived off of student loans.

[stevenf]

Meds and therapy work!! I'm sorry Tom Cruise you are a very good actor but it is true!!

[MysticalDescent]

Online dating - good luck with that. I'm afraid I'm pretty useless otherwise, but I'll offer you what advice I can here from my own experience. I don't know if I'm a kind of one in a million thing, but I met a girl on the internet, couldn't meet her for four months because of circumstance. Eventually we did meet up and 3.5 years later we're still together.Continued circumstance means that we both still reside in the same places we did at the beginning of things, but we see each other regularly and things are pretty good between us. I don't mean that as a sort of "everybody analyse my personal life and criticise it where possible", but to just share my experience of it with you. Like I say though, we could just be one in six billion.