Hey
Don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on
Just try your best
Try everything you can
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away

It just takes some time
Little IanC, you're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right

Hey
You know they're all the same
You know you're doing better on your own so don't buy in
Live right now
Just be yourself
It doesn't matter if that's good enough for someone else

It just takes some time
Little IanC, you're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right

It just takes some time
Little IanC, you're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right

Hey
Don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on
Just do your best
Do everything you can
Don't you worry what their bitter hearts are going to say

It just takes some time
Little IanC, you're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right

It just takes some time
Little IanC, you're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right

I'm not trying to be degrading with 'little'. Just be good enough for you.
I have always been an advocate for you. I just hope you can be also.

What?

Just be good enough for you?(as in me, I'm guessing)

(also i tried put those words to that to a song)

It is a real song... By Jimmy Eat World, I think called in the middle? It was too popular here about 15 years ago so I got really annoyed with it.

Never heard of it.

I did something today thats probably in hindsight wasnt a good idea, what with my current worries and all that. Oh well.

Well if you didn't get it, i kinda paid for sex.


*coughs*

Yeah.

Not surprised if people are getting fed up with me, hell I'm getting fed up with it but it is so annoying when people say something like "message me to find out more about me" and you think "oh s/he sounds cool, I'll message them" and then they just delete your message without replying. It's just, well, why say that? What am I doing wrong? Did I say something wrong, is it my profile? What? Give me a clue here.

Oh well. Go back to hating me, don't blame you all.

I've always found that, on dating sites, "send me a message to find out more" is usually an invite to a chat cam or some other "erotic service" that is designed less for finding a mate and more for running up your charge card. YMMV

No, no i know what those cam profile look like, these people aren't them.

These people are just lying I'm guessing, since they obviously are judging people before replying. Which is fair, and i am nothing more than a piece of poopcakes so whatever.

Cant blame them. At all.

fork it. Im just going to give up, become a hermit. Why bitter.

I don't know anything about online dating, but is there anything to gain from lying in that way? All you would be doing is inviting unwanted mail, correct? Doesn't seem worth it. I certainly hope you come out of your funk. Wish we could help.

Especially if you're messaging women, they likely aren't going to respond to a man if they're not interested because doing so most often invites harrassment. Ignoring or outright blocking the message, and letting the interaction harmlessly fizzle, is safer for them. That's just how the internet works for the lady folk if that's who you're currently after, get used to it. It sucks way more for them.

EsBe wrote:Especially if you're messaging women, they likely aren't going to respond to a man if they're not interested because doing so most often invites harrassment. Ignoring or outright blocking the message, and letting the interaction harmlessly fizzle, is safer for them. That's just how the internet works for the lady folk if that's who you're currently after, get used to it. It sucks way more for them.

True, but they shouldn't say "message me to find out more about me" id say. But i wouldn't force myself on them (errr, in an online sense), if they don't reply i just shrug and move on. Just... annoys me a bit, i guess.

chrismachine wrote:I don't know anything about online dating, but is there anything to gain from lying in that way? All you would be doing is inviting unwanted mail, correct? Doesn't seem worth it.

Yeah, it doesn't make sense really. Just fill out your profile and don't put anything like that i'd say.

chrismachine wrote: I certainly hope you come out of your funk. Wish we could help.

Hahaha. No you don't. You don't give a flying fork about me, no one does.

Ian, you need to change your attitude. Can't you see how damaging that mindset is? Disregarding the search for a partner – you've mentally stacked the deck such that you reject any kind of positivity coming your way. Of course Chris wishes you well! It's an entirely normal thing to do. Without reason to do otherwise, nice people wish well for the people they encounter in life. It's not some grand thing, but just take the well wishes for what they are: a small gesture of friendship. Rejecting that kind of thing can honestly come across as kind of a slap in the face.

This kind of psychological self-destruction will interfere with all of your relationships, romantic or otherwise. It's kind of exhausting to navigate. And it's unnecessary. People don't hate you. Don't trick yourself into thinking they do by pushing back at them all the time.

EDIT: Sorry if this comes across aggressive or mean. I'm honestly trying to help, but I'm not a professional so I might not have a rickin'-frackin' clue what I'm talking about.

I have a good friend who always sees the best in other people but is unfairly critical of himself.

I saw him this past weekend for the first time in a long time. We stayed up late talking and over the course of our conversation he kept listing what he perceived to be his negative personality traits, kept beating himself up over something that happened with a female friend of his which he thought was a mistake.

I recommended that he take a page with two columns and write all his negative thoughts and perceptions on the left-hand side, then write down a more positive interpretation of each item on the right. He considered it for a moment, but since he's not really into writing he politely rejected the suggestion.

After a while he started up with the negativity again, so I decided to try a different tactic. I asked him what about his experience with his friend was positive. His responses were pretty brief, but I prompted him for more detail. After a bit of this he seemed almost happy about something he'd been regretting a few minutes earlier.

I think everyone is happier when people are gracious toward themselves and others.

Why would he wish me well? You know our past, he hates my guts for some bizarre reason.

So of course I'm going to take him been nice to me as a slight, he really doesn't give a flying fork about me.

And no one else does, because why would they? Theres no reason to like me, I'm just a stupid arsehole thats a failure at everything.

IanC wrote:You know our past, he hates my guts for some bizarre reason.

If this were ever actually the case, I see absolutely no evidence that it still is. It's possible for people to move on and get over things (I even came to kind of tolerate Chrono Crow after a while!). If you keep viewing things through the lens of sarcasm and mockery and ulterior motives, though, there's really no way for you ever to see when that happens.

This forum has been around a bloody long time at this point. We've all grown up to some extent. Chris has a growing family and career and all that stuff. I'm going to be so bold as to assume he's probably past the point of petty forum squabbles.

And as for why anyone else would care, it's not like there's a checklist you have to pass to receive common human decency. We've known you to whatever extent an Internet forum allows you to know a person for eight years now, and you seem like a good person to me. Your self esteem just holds you back so much. Why else would people keep coming back and trying to help in the face of your frankly exhausting resistance if they didn't care at all? There's nothing obliging us. You're a good guy. You don't deserve this.

You'll probably take this as some kind of slight or attack, but it honestly isn't: I really think at this point (and it's been said before) you could benefit from some professional help. All sorts of people do therapy, and it seems to help at least some of them. It's got to be worth a shot at this point, hasn't it? I can't imagine you like being this miserable, no matter how hard you fight people's attempts to help you out of it.

Seriously. Give it a shot. I know that kind of thing can be kind of anxiety-inducing, but what's the worst that can happen? What have you got to lose? If things are as bad as you make them out to be, even the smallest chance of something better has got to be worth a go.

Hey Ian. I have no idea who the fork you are. Really, you're a compete stranger to me. So rest assured that I have no ulterior motive or bad blood between us when I say, stop being a tuna sandwich. I get it. This is the whine and complain thread, not the methodically assess your life and take advice from people who care about you thread. So you're entitled to whining and complaining. We all are. But this has gone on a bit long. And I can see through you. And I bet I'm not the only one. If you want to wallow in self pity, do it yourself. Don't drag others into it unless you're willing to accept their responses (even when they don't play into your fictional worldview where you're the worst person in the world).

Best of luck, and also bite me,
EsBe

Wow, fork you EsBe. Just seriously fork you.

You think I'm just acting up for attention? Is that it? Wow. Wow.

James - I'm not a good person. At least I don't think I am. I think I'm a horrible person, someone who really doesn't deserve any good things happening to him.

But you are right. Therapy would be a good idea. So I'm going to see my doctor soon and ask them about it.

And I have listened to what people have said, EsBe, despite what you think. So don't put words in my mouth, or in this case… I don't know, thoughts in my head or something.

Ha, I wrote a whole long post seconding James's suggestion, then it turns out it's not even needed. You're on the right track Ian, good luck.

Feel free to follow that last bit of advice yourself too. I have no idea what you think happened between us, but I have nothing against you. I'm sure you're right that something did if you're still acutely aware of whatever there was, but I've no idea at this point. My feelings aren't hurt because this is the internet, but it does bother me to know that you think I have it out for you, honestly.

Three cheers for therapy! I benefited from it when I could afford it.

Forum relationships are weird. There are people online whom I think don't like me because they think I don't like them, and then the idea of being disliked colours all future posts, making them terrible and personal and further reinforcing the arrangement. It is a great collaborative pearl of fictional antipathy from an inconsequential grain of sand. Or maybe it only exists in my brain! I have no way of knowing.

I don't know what I dislike more though, the idea that I've been viewed for literally many years as hating someone when even they can't tell why (as in for some bizarre reason), or the idea that someone would think that I would hate them so much that I would be taking public jabs at them repeatedly during what seems to be one of the lowest points in their life. I would literally have to be relishing the misery to be doing that, and it's so abhorrent an idea that the thought of it being attached to me is actually shocking.

You are an objectionable person Chris, plain and simple. Take a look at your posts here, each one dripping with snark or sarcasm directed at me. It's not on. And like I said, past posts on here have shown that you hate me. So I'm going to hate you back. Immature? Maybe. But hey I'm the sad loser here so whatever.

Chrism is being polite and patient and Ian, because he is in a bad place, is projecting onto him.

Chrism, like you said, you're not mad about it, just confused. I think it's probably best to drop it. Ian said he's going to look into therapy, which I think is a really positive step, and we can all be happy for him, whether or not he believes it.

*snort*

Happy for me. Yeah right. Like I said, no one should like me. I'm just an objectionable person that's a major screw up at everything he tries.

I mean fork it, why would anyone ever want to be with me? I'd probably say or do something wrong as usual and then they'd hate me.