A whine and complain thread

[EvilJekyll]

Aw, your visa is expiring and we never had a chance to have a Canadian Spammies Get Together!

I was thinking this as well.

[ntw3001]

It is in the post; I shall be in Ottawa and speaking to real-life Chrism with my voice this very weekend. It was a shame not to get a bigger thing arranged earlier though; I really ought to have gone to the agencies for temp work first thing when I arrived, rather than working at Banana Republic. Although I'm glad I worked there, I liked it well enough, it just didn't pay a full income. Still, there's a chance I'll come back to Canada anyway. I don' fancy my chances of getting a proper job in the UK, so if I manage to gather up some money somehow I'm thinking to travel more. Maybe back to Canada, maybe Australia, maybe Japan or Korea. The point is, not the UK.

[chrismachine]

If anyone can make it over here, you can send me a message and maybe we can work out some meet-ups or something?

[Zombie Protestor]

I keep having the problem that every time I get close in a relationship, several other women come out of the woodwork to also express an interest in me, and the one I pick starts to falter or fail not by my own hand. When things are over, the others are no longer interested. I was talking to three different women previously and decided to let one of them down as she was 3 hours away, full in the swing of college, and wanting babies at some point. The one I was most interested in decided to try to continue pursuing another relationship she'd wanted previously and that made the choice easy. I drove down to go on a date with this woman. Things were splendid. We sat and talked, and we actually ended up... scoodlybooping that night. The next day I was supposed to have lunch with her but she got a bad letter from the Social Security office she had to deal with and I ended up feeling bad that we did it without the planned date to follow. I had to head back home and from her text messages I could tell she was no longer interested, and she soon confirmed that. Glad I was protected.

Fast forward through no activity and I get introduced to the girl I'm in a relationship with now. We hit it off great, and go ahead and set our relationship statuses and everything. We plan a date and the plan is for me to meet her guardians (she is 27, but her guardians are of course like parents to her). Due to her last boyfriend being a jerkhole that used her for scoodlybooping and then left her, they are really leery of this relationship and want us to simply stay friends for a while. We can keep our relationship statuses, though. Of course, I get two messages from two different women on my OKCupid account. I idly chat but make sure to mention that I am not available but both still seem okay to talk for now anyway. I don't think I'll talk to them, though.

It just seems so funny. Twice now. Except I do intend to stay with her and convince her folks that I am not her ex. I do want to treat her well. I understand their reaction, and the cousin that introduced us assures me that they are great people and should love me, but as of right now even the "take her to the park with my kids" outing we had planned on Saturday looks in danger. I can understand the movies not being friend-y enough, but the park with kids?

[Skimba]

I am so glad I am not dating around right now. 27 and still needing "parental" permissions? Is that normal now? No, no. I have 27 years-old friends that don't do that. Although I did meet most of them in bars, so maybe just some dynamic is different. Whatever.
GOOD LUCK ZP! Have fun!

[Zombie Protestor]

All right, some slight background to my current girlfriend: She has some slight mental regression, and so it may be mandated that she still have a guardian. I don't really notice it when talking to her, but it is noticeable, if that makes sense. So she's not, like, a 5 year old in mind.

I think the thing that is interesting is if I were dating another woman and she wanted to scoodlyboop, then sure. She is prepared for it. With this girl, I would feel really guilty if it was so soon, and I know that may be an issue if all the relationships she's ever known were physical with a veneer of emotional over it.

If you don't have access to my Facebook profile or just are rarely on, here is a picture of her:

[James]

My flatmate is moving out at the start of September. It turns out finding a suitable replacement is non-trivial. So far I've had four responses to my advert: a PE teacher for whom the bills were too much, two guys with limited English skills and not a job between them, a sixteen-year-old student whose parents would pay the rent and bills but who nevertheless is still sixteen and therefore too young, and a woman; Emilia doesn't feel entirely comfortable with the prospect of my living with another woman, and I'd like to keep her happy. All of them had at least fairly bad written English in their e-mail responses. That sort of thing leaves more of an impression on me than it ought.

It's a nice flat! I don't want to have to leave. But the point at which I'll have to start paying double rent and bills is looming. It'd be really great if my friend Jeremy would just get a bloody job.

[Skimba]

Enty?

[jvcc]

Enty is returning to England soon. You should room with Enty! I'm not taking no for answer on this.

[PonderThis]

I have a cat. Her name is Pookie. She is 16. I think I am going to have to take her to the vet tomorrow. I think that'll be it

[Zombie Protestor]

Terribly sorry, PT.

[ntw3001]

Emilia

Aaaaah do ho ho ho

Well I sure ain't suitable! I am obviously the greatest human, but once I get home I doesn't got no job no savings. Gon' git job then for place near job. Probably neither.

[Null]

Very sorry to hear that, Ponder. I hope things go as well as they can.

[James]

Well I sure ain't suitable! I am obviously the greatest human, but once I get home I doesn't got no job no savings. Gon' git job then for place near job. Probably neither.

Yeah, unless you or a guarantor could cover approximately £664 a month, that wouldn't really solve my problem. If you or a guarantor could, it would be tremendously convenient, mind. OR IF MY FRIEND JEREMY WOULD STOP MUCKING ABOUT AND GET A JOB ALREADY. I mean, Jesus. You'd think he's more interested in his own career prospects than solving my partially self-imposed financial conundrum for me IF THAT WEREN'T SO PATENTLY ABSURD.

I have a cat. Her name is Pookie. She is 16. I think I am going to have to take her to the vet tomorrow. I think that'll be it :cry:

I take it your cat isn't well. If this is the end, that's very sad, but try to think of it as relief.

[Skimba]

That's a sad time Ponder. Remember all the good times.

ZP - She's very cute. If she's a little mentally impaired then it is more understandable for folks to be protective of her. I'll leave it at that, as I am no expert.

Enty - get a job! Enty & james forever!

[sum yun gai]

so sorry to hear that, ponder.

[chrismachine]

That's a sad time Ponder. Remember all the good times.

ZP - She's very cute. If she's a little mentally impaired then it is more understandable for folks to be protective of her. I'll leave it at that, as I am no expert.

I have a cousin in a similar situation but it sounds like she has a little more delay than the girl you're dating. They are no less capable of love or understanding it as far as my somewhat distant understanding is concerned, but I can also appreciate why her guardians would be suspicious. Not just because of the "why would a normal person want to date someone with an impairment" line of thinking, but also because the negative answer to that question has already happened, making the positive one seem less likely..

[PonderThis]

And she's gone. Oh god that sucked so very much. Thanks for the kind words, everyone.

[Zombie Protestor]

I have a cousin in a similar situation but it sounds like she has a little more delay than the girl you're dating. They are no less capable of love or understanding it as far as my somewhat distant understanding is concerned, but I can also appreciate why her guardians would be suspicious. Not just because of the "why would a normal person want to date someone with an impairment" line of thinking, but also because the negative answer to that question has already happened, making the positive one seem less likely..

Pretty much my thinking, and why I'm willing to be patient on the whole thing. Maybe they'll see I'm really wanting to treat her well and let us, or be suspicious and not let us hang out. I'm so at odds about that part. I really want someone to hang out with me, watch TV or a movie, maybe kiss on her, talk a lot... it doesn't seem very likely that they will trust me and her to do that.

[chrismachine]

They are in a different position seeing as they are responsible for someone with a diminished capacity to look out for her own interests, so it is hard to get into a place of trust for them. You are not in a simple situation here, so I have my doubts about whether you will get those things you just mentioned. The time investment required is going to be considerable unfortunately, and you are in a place where you want someting easy and just fun. This is going to be work, and they are likely right in wondering why you would be so invested in this after such a short time when it's not like you yourself have limited options, as she would appear to have. I do not doubt your motives, but this is a situation where all signs point to this being a bad fit (not personally but situationally), so they must be asking themselves why you're interested. Really not easy for you here, bud.

[Zombie Protestor]

To quote your sig, very wise words. You are right that this will probably be more time than I can really invest right now. School re-starts soon, I'm working off a $1500 debt to my lawyer, and I'll still need to make a few court appearances for the divorce and custody.

On the other hand, I have to innately feel guilty for putting my needs above the consideration for her. Just because of her mental faculties doesn't mean I should not give her an equal chance. I mean, after all, I'd be ending the relationship because of it, and I don't know if I can handle that. I still plan to go to church again with her this Sunday, and then I'm just going to play it by ear.

I've been talking to one of the ladies that messaged me, and even through her knowing I am dating someone, she is still interested and is interesting herself. I should also mention I feel bad talking to her at all.

[Dusk]

And she's gone.

Really sorry to hear that, PT. I think you should take a weekend off from everything and celebrate her life and companionship.

My flatmate is moving out at the start of September. It turns out finding a suitable replacement is non-trivial. So far I've had four responses to my advert: a PE teacher for whom the bills were too much, two guys with limited English skills and not a job between them, a sixteen-year-old student whose parents would pay the rent and bills but who nevertheless is still sixteen and therefore too young, and a woman; Emilia doesn't feel entirely comfortable with the prospect of my living with another woman, and I'd like to keep her happy. All of them had at least fairly bad written English in their e-mail responses. That sort of thing leaves more of an impression on me than it ought.

Who is Emilia? I've missed something.
Ahhh renting. It really pays to be as utterly uncompromising as you can be regarding flatmates. Getting stuck with someone awful is something one should never have to put up with.
Where are you advertising? Target those young professionals!

Cut off her arm. Show her the rings of dark and pink and red and white. Ask her if she's expired. If she says "no", then slit her throat and say "yes, you are". Or find a new place, if you can. Either, or.

I've missed this place.

ZP, I'm loathe to shove advice at people.. but it might be worth considering that you've been through a period of drastic change and emotional hardship, so it may be prudent to fight one battle at a time.
Debts.. School.. Three or four relationships.. Rather than take on everything at once, concentrate on and sort out one.
You're a clever guy and you're studying towards some kind of IT certification, right? Maybe you should consider volunteering your skills to a charitable organisation in your area or through your church. Valuable experience and something to put on the resume.. and who knows, you may link up with someone or something along the line.
Speaking from experience, you're not likely to "fill the hole" or rediscover the strength of emotion you once had while your mind is still adjusting.

[loofah]

And she's gone.

I'm so sorry, Ponder. Please take some time to celebrate her life. I'm sure she would want her human to be happy.

[slydon]

I'm sorry about your Pookie
They do stay with you, though. There's never been a week where I don't think of my smart pup*, and she passed away 17 years ago.

*Usually when my kitties do something stupid

[jvcc]

Sorry, Ponder. I hope you're doing okay.