A whine and complain thread

[Zombie Protestor]

Speaking of my roommate, I have a decision to make. Back when we had the first major issue, I contacted his ex-fiancee/ex-girlfriend-type-person, because I still had her number from when she had contacted me because he was, frankly, going off his rocker and throwing himself bodily at a brick wall and scaring her. I was discussing his behavior that night with her, and so of course he doesn't know I contacted her. Since that night (the 9th), I've been talking to her every day, throughout the day. Nothing explicitly flirtatious except for a few compliments have been traded, but we're getting along pretty well.
She wants me to come over next week to watch movies with her (namely the Lord of the Rings movies, because she's never seen them. How someone can accomplish that feat I'll never know), but I'm really unsure of whether to go.

TL;DR version: Gun-toting roommate's ex-girlfriend wants me to come over to her house and spend time with her. I don't really know her all that well, so I can't tell you at this time if we will hit it off or things won't work between us. Should I do it? Am I violating some sort of code or is she fair game?

EDIT: I should mention that roommate has said in the past after they split up that if I should date her, he wouldn't mind. However, since he pokes in on her Facebook page daily, and also on the guy that he thinks she's dating, and calls them both names, I'm not sure about the validity of that statement.

[Skimba]

TL;DR version: Gun-toting roommate's ex-girlfriend wants me to come over to her house and spend time with her. I don't really know her all that well, so I can't tell you at this time if we will hit it off or things won't work between us. Should I do it? Am I violating some sort of code or is she fair game?

NO! Tabooooooo. Well, unless people really are ok with it, which they are not. Unless it's been years and years...and sometimes not even then.

[Zombie Protestor]

That's a vote for no. Maybe I should have made it a poll.

[jvcc]

Another vote for no.

[chrismachine]

I am team no.

[Null]

Seems like one of those bad ideas where, in a movie, people are yelling NO at the screen and then YOU DUMBASS when the protag gets knifed.

[Zombie Protestor]

Haha, I see. I should point out that roommate does have a new girlfriend of his own. Does that change any of your responses?
If not, why exactly do you vote "no"? Is it some invisible code that a friend's ex-girl is off-limits, or is it the lead-spewing death machine he carries?

[jvcc]

Haha, I see. I should point out that roommate does have a new girlfriend of his own. Does that change any of your responses?

No.

If not, why exactly do you vote "no"? Is it some invisible code that a friend's ex-girl is off-limits, or is it the lead-spewing death machine he carries?

Given the way you're characterizing how crazy your roommate is and how little you've talked about the woman in question herself (either positive or negative), I think you know why we're all voting against this.

[chrismachine]

I'm just asking myself if I would do it, and it was a no.

[EsBe]

There are many "guy codes" and I think all of them, right down to "I before E except after C", can be appended with the clause "unless he has a gun and is off his rocker."

So that's a "no."

[Skimba]

Haha, I see. I should point out that roommate does have a new girlfriend of his own. Does that change any of your responses?

No.

If not, why exactly do you vote "no"? Is it some invisible code that a friend's ex-girl is off-limits, or is it the lead-spewing death machine he carries?

There is absolutely an invisible code about this. It can work out, but more often than not, it doesn't. Usually women are more vehement about this than men, but it is still there.
Which also makes me seriously wonder what is she thinking? She should absolutely know better. It could be some set up, to test any loyalties that may or may not be there or to make the old BF jealous or angry for past wrong-doings, etc. It just seems really weird that a female would intentionally go after her ex's roommate for any actual good reason.
(I am, of course, generalizing the world here. I have had a sucessful, purely sexual, relationship with an ex's roommate. However, the ex and I had been broken up well over ten years before that happened.)

[sum yun gai]

i will also vote no and it has everything to do with "off his rocker" and the fact that you don't want *that* kind of drama doubled down on you. imagine how he is acting right now that has you kind of freaked out. now imagine how he would act if he is still jealous of this girl's attention.

of course, i don't know any of these people the way you do, but your descriptions lead me to believe that this is just begging for a very bad ending for everyone.

[ntw3001]

haha, I was just thinking about trying to track one of these little babies down while I was in class today, and you saved me the footwork.

Unfortunately for the revenge password idea, he swung by today and told me the correct password. This time around, I tried it while he was here to make sure it worked. Turns out it was "youdontknow"

Dan. I was hoping that 'I don't know' was just the answer when you asked 'what's you password'. All I remember is that it had no spaces, caps or punctuation.

[Zombie Protestor]

So, there's good news, which is also bad news. My roommate (who, if you are late to the party, is driving me flipping nuts) is moving out in the next few days. It also means I don't have his rent money this month, which means that the $400 check my grandparents send that normally goes almost entirely to the mortgage had to go instead to power and water. I've never skipped a month on my mortgage before, so I'm not really in fear of foreclosure on that. I also didn't have enough to get my phone back on, at least if I don't want to have some groceries in the house. I do have an application in for a job that I'm optimistic about getting, although how they're going to contact me if I get it I don't know. I put my dad's phone as the secondary phone, but they don't always try the secondary.

[Zombie Protestor]

I've got quite a decision to make. My sister just came by and wants me to come to their house later tonight. The reason is that they met a woman that does not live here in Rome but is staying in a boarding house because her 3-month-old is in foster care. She escaped here from Alabama from an abusive boyfriend (the dad) and can get the baby back if she has a home. She gets a disability and SSI check, although the boarding home confiscates both and is supposed to be using the money to feed everyone but instead it's a massive drug den. My sister said she went down there and easily found paraphernalia everywhere. The lady is currently staying with them, but she wants to me to meet her and see if I might be okay with her as a roommate. My sister seems to think I'd "really like" her, so I'm not sure if she's already brought me up to her as some sort of date-worthy material, but I'm still really interested in April. I could indeed use the income and I have the space available now and she does need a home with space for a baby so there's charitable reasons. It also seems nicely coincidental that one roommate declares he's moving out on no notice and now another needs a place to live. I don't know if April would understand, but I think she would. Putting myself in April's shoes, though, it sounds like some elaborate ruse to either break up with her or have a cover for a live-in girlfriend.

[chrismachine]

Also factor in if this will actually be reliable income for you. As far as who she is as a roommate, I don't see it being a problem unless she wants to kick in the extra money... She can hardly expect you to turn down a cheque.

[jvcc]

Preface: I'm okay. Nothing bad happened.

I keep writing and deleting and rewriting this message, but in essence I need to either make better decisions when I'm drunk or make the decision to not get so drunk quite so frequently in the first place. I would have gone back to the apartment of some guy whom I hardly know with his friend I don't know either if my female friend who had left the bar much earlier hadn't been attentive enough to come back and get me.

Sobering up is only leading to an increasing self-awareness of how intensely stupid I was.

[Zombie Protestor]

So here is what has transpired:
1) Friendzoned by girl I went out with.
2) Met aforementioned potential roommate woman. She's really very attractive, very sweet, and thinks I'm cute.
3) Agreed to take her on as new roommate. Only partially for above reasons.
4) Family came by this morning to start deep cleaning on house.
5) Former roommate came by, said to stop moving his stuff out, and if I want him or it out, I need an eviction notice.
6) Convinced him to leave.
7) Neighbors alerted to watch for him.
8) He came back after family had left, upset again that his stuff had been carefully placed on the porch, plopped himself on the couch, and stated that he refused to leave.
9) Police called, new roommate alerted neighbors, both of which promptly showed up and are threatened by former roommate.
10) Police arrive, and dad arrives, having heard call on police scanner.
11) Police tell former roommate that without a lease agreement or utility in his name here he is not a tenant if he cannot produce proof of paying rent this month. 12) Neighbors testify to his threats, police state that he cannot return to retrieve belongings unless Sheriff's department is here.
13) I can't sleep because I'm expecting him back and am jumping at each noise.

[chrismachine]

Police scanner? Where you live is like an 80s cop movie.

[jvcc]

Okay, this will be the last I say about this, but I just want to try and think through some of my concerns by writing them out. Don't feel obligated to read the entire thing, everyone.

I was initially at the bar with my two female friends, one of whom was going to give me a ride home so I could drink as much as I wanted. One of guy friends (who is nice and trustworthy) was supposed to meet up with us, but he didn't show up until much later and brought a guy (we'll call him A) whom he has a class with and A's friend (here dubbed B). One of my female friends and I had had classes with A before and she has never been fond of him, but I was on the fence. Now I am not.

As part of an anecdote I mentioned being high, and A was very excited to hear this and came to sit next to me to ask if I wanted to get high that night. Now, for one thing, the only drug I ever talk or care about is weed, so I assumed that was what he had in mind. For another thing, I was very, very drunk. For the last thing, I knew he has a girlfriend so I didn't think he was trying to hit on me. As an addendum to the last thing, I can be strangely naive about people. Long story short, my answer to his question was, "Yeah!" Then, after a pause, "Where?" He said his apartment, then started talking about his cats.

I told my remaining female friend (the other one had left at this point) I was going with the two guys that neither of us really knew, and she left. After this point my brain was ill-equipped to deal with or make sense of the increasingly worryingly circumstances that arose. I remembered that one of my coworkers mentioning that guy A does or has done cocaine and he starting talking about acid, the first of which I'm not interested in at all, period, the second of which I'd never want to try alone with two strangers. And he just started getting creepier and creepier. We got on the topic of hairstyles and I made a throwaway comment about liking to keep my hair shorter because it's more manageable, and A then started pestering me with questions about how long I've had it, specifically how long my hair was when I was fourteen. I can't remember what prompted this, but probably some smart-ass comment I made, and A said something like, "Do you want to call me an idiot?" "N-no...?" and then tried to goad me into calling him a "rickin'-frackin' idiot."

The worst part is that near the end of evening, for no reason, he started asking my guy friend if he was a real man in a manner that could be perceived as joking but also seemed like he was serious. My guy friend is very calm and laid back, so he just exchanged a worried look with me and said, "Hah hah, whaaaat?" I'm not sure what his assessment of the situation was or if I should try and talk with him about it. When the other two guys wanted to leave I asked him, probably looking and sounding as terrified as I felt, "Are you going with them?" and he said he'd go wherever the car went.

At this point I went to the restroom and stayed in there for a bit, but I couldn't really think of what to do. I didn't realize that I had a phone with which to call my friends or a cab to come pick me up, or in the worst-case scenario, legs with which to try and walk home. Then as I walked out the door I saw my female friend who was supposed to give me a ride home earlier walking down the hall toward me. She grabbed me and pulled me back into the restroom and closed the door and started asking if I was okay and if I wanted to go with those guys. Apparently instead of going home she had circled the block multiple times, sent me multiple text messages that I didn't get or notice, and called our other female friend to get her to try and contact me. She had told the two guys that she'd lost her phone as a reason for coming back to the bar. I don't think they bought it, but who cares? She brought me home and I went to bed and everything was fine.

Guy A is in my class that meets tomorrow night, and I'm hoping he won't try to talk to me. I'm slightly nervous about him, but I don't know if there's anything to do rather than wait and see what happens. If he's going to talk to me or bother me, I mean. It was an awful situation and I was really shaken up by it. But writing it out has seemed to help.

[ntw3001]

jvcc: Sounds unpleasant. Ain't really got much more to say. Creepy people are best avoided as a general rule. Hopefully this guy shan't trouble yo no mo'.

Zombie: How alarming! Still, the new roommate situation sounds like an improvement. I do hope things improve and the old roommate, as above, don't trouble yo no mo' neither.

I'm gaining weight at an incredible pace. Being at home is awful.

[jvcc]

I'm not sure if it's as unpleasant as I think it is because I get different reactions from different people when I tell them about it. I called my best friend and he was furious (at the guys, not me), but I told my brother about it today, because he perceived that I was upset and wanted to know why, and after I told him he didn't seem to think it was any big deal.

Sorry that you have to be at home, Enty. I hate living at home. At least you got to go abroad for a little while, eh?

And sorry that you're living in an 80s cop movie, ZP.

[loofah]

Then as I walked out the door I saw my female friend who was supposed to give me a ride home earlier walking down the hall toward me. She grabbed me and pulled me back into the restroom and closed the door and started asking if I was okay and if I wanted to go with those guys. Apparently instead of going home she had circled the block multiple times, sent me multiple text messages that I didn't get or notice, and called our other female friend to get her to try and contact me. She had told the two guys that she'd lost her phone as a reason for coming back to the bar. I don't think they bought it, but who cares? She brought me home and I went to bed and everything was fine.

This friend deserves a nice dinner and a medal.

[loofah]

I'm gaining weight at an incredible pace. Being at home is awful.

Sounds like maybe you're falling into old habits. Can you try and recreate what you were doing in canada?

[chrismachine]

jvcc, I think it was a potentially hazardous situation mostly from doing hard drugs while everyone is super wasted, and from not really knowing the dude. It's one of those things where some people, trhough more years of practice or higher tolerance, can make better decisions while drunk or whatever, but it still was a somewhat troubling situation. Ntw, save your pennies and come back to my end of the world