Quotes taken out of context

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Quotes taken out of context

Postby jvcc » Sat Oct 22, 2011 1:47 pm

Hello everyone,

We all remember the humorous site Overheard Everywhere, of course. It is a site which recognizes the potential hilarity in a statement stripped of its context. There are many perfectly innocent quotes from my own life which I feel would make poor anecdotes if I contextualized them, but if they stand alone may be quite amusing. Let's see, shall we?

My professor, to a female student: I want to hear about your exposure.
Female student: *pulls a face*
Professor: Should I rephrase that?
Female student: I think you'd better.

The same professor, to me the same class period regarding a male student: He wants to make physical contact with you; will you reciprocate?

My brother to me over the phone: Jesus is probably out of the rape game from now on.

P.S.
I am inviting everyone else to contribute their own quotes as well.
ntw3001 wrote:you can't get raped if you always say yes
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Re: Quotes taken out of context

Postby James » Sat Oct 22, 2011 3:47 pm

I encounter them often, and immediately forget them. NON-CONTRIBUTION.
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Re: Quotes taken out of context

Postby quetzalcoatlus » Sun Oct 23, 2011 8:49 pm

A customer at my current place of work:* Where are your fake boobs?

*I work at a Halloween costume place right now.
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Re: Quotes taken out of context

Postby PonderThis » Mon Oct 24, 2011 10:00 am

That's awesome, Quetz.
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Re: Quotes taken out of context

Postby jvcc » Mon Oct 24, 2011 12:40 pm

Agreed.

The thread is a success!
ntw3001 wrote:you can't get raped if you always say yes
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Re: Quotes taken out of context

Postby Skimba » Wed Oct 26, 2011 11:44 am

Female co-worker this morning: I did the head. All by myself.
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Re: Quotes taken out of context

Postby GregorR » Thu Oct 27, 2011 11:43 am

"I'm comfortable with myself. I like to eat Jolly Ranchers and spit on hookers."
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Re: Quotes taken out of context

Postby Skimba » Thu Oct 27, 2011 3:36 pm

GregorR wrote:"I'm comfortable with myself. I like to eat Jolly Ranchers and spit on hookers."

I don't think that's out of context at all.
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Re: Quotes taken out of context

Postby fanelian » Thu Oct 27, 2011 4:05 pm

Because there is no possible context where that is coherent? :)
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Re: Quotes taken out of context

Postby PonderThis » Fri Oct 28, 2011 11:00 am

fanelian wrote:Because there is no possible context where that is coherent? :)

Sure there is! It could mean ...

Um ...

Well if you look at it ...

I mean, from a certain angle ...

...

Yeah, you're right. :(

;)
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Re: Quotes taken out of context

Postby Zombie Protestor » Fri Oct 28, 2011 7:14 pm

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This post not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If numbness or tingling persists for more than an hour after reading, please consult a physician.
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Re: Quotes taken out of context

Postby quetzalcoatlus » Fri Oct 28, 2011 11:52 pm

More work-related ones:

Coworker: ...Well, most of the throw-up was blueberry pie anyway.

Customer (to me): You look just like a pug. Sorry, but you do! You don't even need a costume.


There is some context to the second one you're not hearing, the first was just the end of a story I don't think I want to hear the rest of.
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Re: Quotes taken out of context

Postby jvcc » Sun Oct 30, 2011 6:14 pm

"And I was like, 'He's getting off on her ass!'" -my mom
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Re: Quotes taken out of context

Postby fanelian » Mon Oct 31, 2011 5:20 pm

Woman on the street, to a child: "You need to fall in love with god"

:?
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Re: Quotes taken out of context

Postby PonderThis » Mon Oct 31, 2011 5:24 pm

fanelian wrote:Woman on the street, to a child: "You need to fall in love with god"

:?

Yeah and we all know what that leads to.
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Re: Quotes taken out of context

Postby jvcc » Thu Nov 24, 2011 10:31 pm

"Fifteen minutes to seven; it's bj time!" -my mom (again)

It was an interesting Thanksgiving dinner.
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Re: Quotes taken out of context

Postby quetzalcoatlus » Mon Mar 12, 2012 12:55 am

Oh yeah, while the Grammys were on some time ago, I somehow got the opportunity to say "I don't think there was any dick in The Sound Of Music..."
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Re: Quotes taken out of context

Postby jvcc » Mon Mar 12, 2012 1:28 am

I dunno, those Nazis were kind of dicks.

At school:
Girl #1: So you rescued them...?
Girl #2: No, I bought them with my money. And I put all of their anuses on my fridge.
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Re: Quotes taken out of context

Postby quetzalcoatlus » Mon Apr 16, 2012 9:57 pm

Woman at the park: I hope no one pees on you, you'd get soaked!


if it makes you feel better, she was not addressing a human...
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Re: Quotes taken out of context

Postby sum yun gai » Sat Jun 09, 2012 10:34 am

as i was passing by the front desk at my office:

[male co-worker who is also gay]: well, i was hoping for something much juicier than that!
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Re: Quotes taken out of context

Postby ntw3001 » Sat Jun 09, 2012 9:04 pm

At work: 'Do you have any more pedo stuff left to do?'
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Re: Quotes taken out of context

Postby jvcc » Sat Jun 16, 2012 3:58 pm

Email from my professor: The attachment is FINE JUST DONT ADD ANYTHING OR SAY ANYTHING TO ME*

*Turns out, after much confusion, that he wanted me to send him an attachment without any text in the body of the email. Above is how he chose to communicate that.
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Re: Quotes taken out of context

Postby James » Sun Jun 17, 2012 6:41 am

That's perfect. I genuinely laughed out loud.
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Re: Quotes taken out of context

Postby quetzalcoatlus » Sat Jul 28, 2012 5:45 pm

"That is a very important frog!"


A friend talking about his reaction when he learned his kid didn't recognize Kermit.
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Re: Quotes taken out of context

Postby jvcc » Sun Jul 29, 2012 9:53 pm

"Kelsey, no! Do not bring a giant print out of that bird to shove in the face of everybody I flirt with!"
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