Chuck Norris!

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catastrophile
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Chuck Norris!

Postby catastrophile » Tue Oct 31, 2006 7:38 pm

Chuck Norris wrote:There are more than 50,000 jokes making their way around the Internet that purport to be "facts" all playing off my movie roles as a "tough guy" and my history as a martial arts champion. But they aren't "jokes" to those who spread them – they're "facts."

:shock:

Say what?
Chuck Norris wrote:Naturally, over the past couple years as this wildfire has been raging, people have asked me, "What do you think of all this?"

Naturally. Because people care what Chuck Norris thinks. ;)
Chuck Norris wrote:While I have as much fun as anyone else reading and quoting them, let's face it, most "Chuck Norris Facts" describe someone with supernatural, superhuman powers. They're describing a superman character. And in the history of this planet, there has only been one real Superman. It's not me.

:? I'm really not sure I like where this is going . . .
Chuck Norris wrote:Alleged Chuck Norris Fact: "Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cries. Ever."

There was a man whose tears could cure cancer or any other disease, including the real cause of all diseases – sin. His blood did. His name was Jesus, not Chuck Norris.

If your soul needs healing, the prescription you need is not Chuck Norris' tears, it's Jesus' blood.

:x That tortured segue would shame the Whore of Babylon.

I don't mean to belittle the faith or beliefs of anybody, but seriously . . . WtBCAF!?!

In conclusion, let me just say:

Image

That is all.
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Postby PonderThis » Tue Oct 31, 2006 7:45 pm

Hey, he's an actor trying to make sense of an internet fad. I don't blame him his quirky interpretation of it. And the media have been bugging him about it, so I guess he may even be a bit testy.

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Postby Chrono Crow » Tue Oct 31, 2006 7:45 pm

WTF Norris.
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Postby kupo » Tue Oct 31, 2006 8:36 pm

Seriously, though. Lighten up, Mr. Norris. I know you're frustrated with the idea that we believe that you visted the Virgin Islands, and they became "the Islands" afterwards. Or that we believe you sued the show Law and Order because they took the names of your left and right legs. Or that we believe that you don't sleep....you merely wait.

I think what Chuck is saying here is that...well...Jesus does all these things. I think Jesus must work through Chuck. In reality, guns don't kill people, Jesus kills people. Or when Jesus does push-ups, he's really pushing the Earth down. Okay, Chuck. Thanks for clearing things up.
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Re: Chuck Norris!

Postby Dusk » Tue Oct 31, 2006 8:38 pm

Padre Norris wrote:the prescription you need is not Chuck Norris' tears, it's Jesus' blood.

We have to steal his precious blood!

catastrophile wrote: :x That tortured segue would shame the Whore of Babylon.

NICE

catastrophile wrote:I don't mean to belittle the faith or beliefs of anybody, but seriously . . . WtBCAF!?!


What The.. Babylonian.. .. Chuck..
:( I dunno

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Postby Do The Unstuck! » Tue Oct 31, 2006 8:39 pm

He's just being modest. Chuck Norris knows he's great, but doesn't like to boast about it.
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Re: Chuck Norris!

Postby catastrophile » Tue Oct 31, 2006 8:42 pm

kupo wrote:guns don't kill people, Jesus kills people

BUMPER STICKER.

(I think this is actually the tagline for one of the "Left Behind" books.)

Dusk Bringer wrote:
catastrophile wrote:WtBCAF!?!

What The.. Babylonian.. .. Chuck..
:( I dunno

What the Bloody Crying Anal F@ck!?!

I thought everybody knew that one.

EDIT:

You've also got to love the fact that he throws in the words "I have as much fun as anyone else reading and quoting them" to make himself seem, I dunno, hip?

Because really, the image of Chuck Norris actually quoting Chuck Norris jokes is about the most retarded thing I can picture without suffering brain damage.

With that said, I fully expect Kevin Smith to work it into his next movie.
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Re: Chuck Norris!

Postby kupo » Tue Oct 31, 2006 8:55 pm

catastrophile wrote:
kupo wrote:guns don't kill people, Jesus kills people

BUMPER STICKER.

(I think this is actually the tagline for one of the "Left Behind" books.)



It'd make a wonderful bumper sticker.
And if it's a tagline for one of the "Left Behind" books, then, by golly, it's suitable.

I want them to make a Chuck Norris movie based on the facts. But I don't want Chuck Norris playing himself. I want some overbuffed, macho guy with a really bad "Chuck Norris" wig playing him.
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Re: Chuck Norris!

Postby Dusk » Tue Oct 31, 2006 9:00 pm

catastrophile wrote:WtBCAF

ECK!
Yeah, I've seen him reading some of the quotes on Letterman or something.
Disgusting.. and he suffers from a mild form of dyslexia.

catastrophile wrote:And if it's a tagline for one of the "Left Behind" books, then, by golly, it's suitable.

Left Behind, eh?
That reminds me: Unintentional endorsement
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Postby ntw3001 » Tue Oct 31, 2006 10:44 pm

Kupo wrote:some overbuffed, macho guy with a really bad "Chuck Norris" wig


Hey, that sounds exactly like me!





Sorry, I'm drunk. You wouldn't believe how long it took to type this post.

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Re: Chuck Norris!

Postby catastrophile » Tue Oct 31, 2006 10:54 pm

kupo wrote:And if it's a tagline for one of the "Left Behind" books, then, by golly, it's suitable.

Dusk Bringer wrote:
catastrophile wrote:And if it's a tagline for one of the "Left Behind" books, then, by golly, it's suitable.

*waits for Godsealla to come bursting out of my chest*
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Postby Dusk » Tue Oct 31, 2006 11:17 pm

LOL
Chinese whispers.

NTW, I encourage you and all drunk people to post more.

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Postby ntw3001 » Tue Oct 31, 2006 11:22 pm

Hmm. Maybe drunken posts are the way to go.

I seem to have remembered the reason for my original 'don't post drunk' rule. I'm thinking I should probably instigate a 'definitely don't post drunk' rule. I can't shake the feeling that I've said something, somewhere, that will haunt me, quite possibly on the thread with the ... you know, the boobs.

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Postby giantsfan97 » Wed Nov 01, 2006 12:24 am

I saw Chuck Norris on "The Best dang Sports Show Period" several months ago. He was reading off some of his favorite "facts" and geniunely seemed to enjoy the attention.
I love this post so much I'm going to take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant!

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Postby catastrophile » Wed Nov 01, 2006 12:29 am

ntw3001 wrote:I can't shake the feeling that I've said something, somewhere, that will haunt me, quite possibly on the thread with the ... you know, the boobs.

That thread's going to haunt all of us.

EDIT:

Image
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Postby traubster » Wed Nov 01, 2006 9:57 am

I think this all started because of Conan O'Brien and his Walker Texas Ranger bit.
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Postby CheapAlert » Wed Nov 01, 2006 3:44 pm

It did. Until then, the children of the internet who have never watched his show during it's heyday (but watched poopcakes like Cat Dog, DragonBallZ and Beast Wars instead) just noticed his existence from their caffeine injected late-night stay up until school zombie hours catching Conan because "he do funney dance in monologue" and such shite or so.
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Postby Chrono Crow » Wed Nov 01, 2006 3:49 pm

CheapAlert wrote:It did. Until then, the children of the internet who have never watched his show during it's heyday (but watched poopcakes like Cat Dog, DragonBallZ and Beast Wars instead) just noticed his existence from their caffeine injected late-night stay up until school zombie hours catching Conan because "he do funney dance in monologue" and such shite or so.


Allow me to say that the world feels the same about you as you do about it.
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Postby caboosewasframed » Wed Nov 01, 2006 7:05 pm

CheapAlert wrote:It did. Until then, the children of the internet who have never watched his show during it's heyday (but watched poopcakes like Cat Dog, DragonBallZ and Beast Wars instead) just noticed his existence from their caffeine injected late-night stay up until school zombie hours catching Conan because "he do funney dance in monologue" and such shite or so.

Man, I pumped about $500 into Beast Wars when I was 5 or 6! It was awesome, man!

Actually, I was a late fan. I never saw the show (it was over, I think), but I loved the toys.


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