BLURT thread

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Re: BLURT thread

Postby IanC » Mon Nov 09, 2015 6:55 pm

Am i the only person that when i see a Facebook post about someone getting pregnant feels like making a sarcastic comment along the lines of "Congrats, you had unprotected sex at the right time and got pregnant"


I hate kids FYI, young kids and babies in particular. Once they get old enough they are okay
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Re: BLURT thread

Postby James » Mon Nov 09, 2015 7:42 pm

Probably not the only person in the world, but I imagine you're the only person here. It seems a pretty mean-spirited way to look at things, but I guess I can't command you to start liking kids or whatever.
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Re: BLURT thread

Postby IanC » Mon Nov 09, 2015 8:00 pm

So I'm mean spirited because I don't like kids and think it's that big a deal that you pregnant?

Obviously if they had trouble conceiving and finally managed to I wouldn't think like that. And I would never say it to their face.
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Re: BLURT thread

Postby chrismachine » Mon Nov 09, 2015 8:24 pm

Well I can say for myself that while it wasn't too hard for us to have our two kids, you understand going into it, if you're trying to do so, that it might be hard and are a bit anxious that it might not go your way, especially if there's a family history. In our case there isn't, but there is a history of miscarriages, so we were pleased when we got past 6 months and were fairly clear of that. We didn't put anything on the internet until we had a healthy kid though because we didn't really want a flood of correspondence for condolences if things went wrong at some point. Bumping uglies and having a baby as a result is different for lots of people, and it might not be what you think, even if you know them. I also assume they're not planning to give it to a Facebook friend at random unless they are clearly disinterested :P
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Re: BLURT thread

Postby James » Mon Nov 09, 2015 11:07 pm

IanC wrote:So I'm mean spirited because I don't like kids and think it's that big a deal that you pregnant?

You're mean spirited because you're belittling and being snide about something that matters to people a great deal. It'd be like telling newlyweds divorce statistics or something. Can't you just be happy for people?
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Re: BLURT thread

Postby ntw3001 » Mon Nov 09, 2015 11:18 pm

I did my first stint of volunteering at the local primary school today. The children read, I listened, it was fine. One of the boys asked what a weir was. I could not answer. Still fine.

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Re: BLURT thread

Postby jvcc » Mon Nov 09, 2015 11:30 pm

In response to the Baby Debate: On a case by case basis, I get very happy for couples or single women when they get pregnant if I know that they or she really want(s) a child and will be a good parent or good parents.

But in general another couple adding more humans to our already excessive world population is not something I get overly excited about. Also, as someone who is bisexual never intends to get married or have children, I'm not particularly fond of baby showers and similar social rituals that generally seem to hold up straight married couples giving birth to a child as an ideal or as inherently valuable.

These are things I would not say to anyone who is pregnant or likely to become pregnant. I'm also not really annoyed by people getting pregnant, as Ian suggests he may be. But I think I could imagine his point of view.

In response to Enty: Nice! How do you like working with that age group? In my experience they are less likely to be people of dubious character than older children.

Are you planning on finding out what a weir is and letting the little boy know? As a new teacher, my instinct was to answer every question immediately, lest the students suspect I don't actually know what I'm talking about. But something like, "I don't know, let's look it up together!" is a fine response. Probably better, since it means you can teach the child how to conduct research.

I was serious before that if you work with kids you should let them know you have some drawing talent, by the way. I promise you they will lose their poopcakes over it.
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Re: BLURT thread

Postby IanC » Tue Nov 10, 2015 12:08 pm

James wrote:
IanC wrote:So I'm mean spirited because I don't like kids and think it's that big a deal that you pregnant?

You're mean spirited because you're belittling and being snide about something that matters to people a great deal. It'd be like telling newlyweds divorce statistics or something. Can't you just be happy for people?


Okay you really do have a beef with me don't you?

I didn't say i would actually post it. I just let it slide. If someone said it to me in public i would congratulate them. And indeed, i have. A few times. One even involved a hug if i remember correctly.

I really, really didn't intend for this to become A Thing. Really. It was just a random thing that popped into my head, that is all. Maybe the fact that we at work know someone is pregnant even if she hasn't come out and actually said it yet (she's made enough comments to suggest it, and most of use are just waiting for an actual announcement) had something to do with it, i don't know.
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Re: BLURT thread

Postby James » Tue Nov 10, 2015 4:28 pm

Fine, whatever. It's totally good that you have secret disdain for the newly pregnant, and that you hate small children. It's entirely great that your mind twists someone sharing their joy with their friends to an act of showing off that you have to internally tear down as if it were some kind of competition. It's fully dandy that you completely disregard the bitterly disappointing difficulties some people have in getting pregnant, with no guarantee of ever actually managing it. I'm the one with the problem.

I mean, I don't think it's a big thing. All I said was that it's a mean-spirited way of looking at things. Isn't it?! Like, you actually said that you hate kids, and people shouldn't express happiness over getting pregnant. If that's not a mean-spirited sentiment, I'd like to know what is. It wasn't some grand proclamation on your character. I have mean-spirited thoughts sometimes, but I try to keep them in check.

I don't "have it out for you"; you just keep saying this kind of poopcakes.
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Re: BLURT thread

Postby IanC » Tue Nov 10, 2015 4:34 pm

Do you work retail? I guess not. Try it for a while, you WILL hate kids, i tell you. Actually you will hate adults too. And teenagers. Theres a sweet spot around 10 or so when they aren't bad though. Before that and after that though (and I'm including adults in that)

Also did you miss this? "Obviously if they had trouble conceiving and finally managed to I wouldn't think like that. And I would never say it to their face."

NEVER SAY IT TO THEIR FACE. Im not an objectionable person, honestly.

Fucks sake.
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Re: BLURT thread

Postby James » Tue Nov 10, 2015 4:50 pm

I never said you would. I said "that's a pretty mean-spirited way to look at things." It's great that you wouldn't say it to their faces, but that wasn't what I was talking about. I was talking about it as an outlook.

Maybe I'm acting like thought police or something, but you chose to share the thought. Here's an analogy, but on a completely different level – this would obviously be way way worse: If I said that I sometimes feel like posting some really racist stuff on Facebook, but I don't because I don't actually want to hurt people's feelings, do you think no-one would pull me up on that? It would be better that I kept those thoughts to myself, but what would be best is if I didn't have them in the first place. Obviously being unimpressed by pregnancy is not even remotely in the same ballpark as being a racist shithead, but even if you don't share them, having decidedly unpleasant thoughts about people reveals something about how you feel towards them, and how much you respect them, and so on.

Anyway, this is all getting blown way out of proportion. I don't think "that's a pretty mean-spirited way of looking at things" is some damning indictment. It's just a comment about how that's a pretty negative and uncharitable lens through which to see the world. Maybe try to consider things from another angle or whatever the fork.

Honestly, I'm clearly not doing any good, and I can't resist getting dragged back into this kind of pointless nonsense, so I think I'm going to take a break from the forum for a while.
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Re: BLURT thread

Postby IanC » Wed Nov 11, 2015 6:31 pm

Im still trying to think of a reply here. Ive left it 24 hours and still not sure.

Like is it really that bad in the grand scheme of things to not be impressed by a pregnancy announcement? Or not particularly fond of kids? Is it really that bad? Doesn't everyone have bad thoughts that they would never say out loud?

Or do you all really think I'm such an objectionable person? Maybe I'm am. I don't know.

Whatever. Ill just shut up now whenever i have a thought instead of blurting about it. Maybe I should just shut up in general.

Okay thats a bit much. But still... sigh....
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Re: BLURT thread

Postby Skimba » Thu Nov 12, 2015 11:37 am

I love my nieces. Not family relation, ankle-biter? GTFO
I don't have facebook (whoo-hoo!), so I don't see on-line announcements of anything. Any time someone (friend, family, co-worker) has told me they are pregnant I always have the same response. With trepidation I ask, "Is this a happy thing?" If they say yes, then I congratulate them and volunteer to never babysit. Everyone laughs, but I mean it and they know it. If they say no, well, I'm there if they need to talk or need a ride.

Halloween was awesome though. The one night a year I welcome children of all ages to my home and let them live (kidding, kidding. Well, about murdering them every other night of the year. Yeah, that's what I meant).

Here's a link to help? http://www.stfuparentsblog.com/ It's not been updated in a while, but there's a few years of stuff.
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Re: BLURT thread

Postby ntw3001 » Thu Nov 12, 2015 5:07 pm

IanC wrote:Im still trying to think of a reply here. Ive left it 24 hours and still not sure.

Like is it really that bad in the grand scheme of things to not be impressed by a pregnancy announcement? Or not particularly fond of kids? Is it really that bad? Doesn't everyone have bad thoughts that they would never say out loud?


I feel like this needs an answer but I was hoping someone else would do it because I couldn't think of a good one. But here we are, so here goes:

It's not a problem at all to be unexcited by pregnancies and dislike kids. I imagine most people who aren't directly involved with either thing do not generally care about them. I also don't think guilt about any hypothetic trouble a couple may or may not have had conceiving should really enter into the discussion. Most people who don't care about that stuff just... don't care. So it's not that you'd say it; it's just that the tone of what you posted was reductive and belittling, and that's quite a grinchish reaction to benign baby-news.

So to the last part, yes everyone has bad thoughts. But most people have bad thoughts in response to bad things, rather than good things that they're not interested in. So while not caring about their news is no problem, and not liking kids is not a bad thing. It's fine to not care, but the belittling tone makes it seem like you find their happiness risible. It comes across as bitter, and bitterness is a horrid, noxious thing. It is active opposition to happiness.

I hope someone else can add more! I don't feel like this answer was all that I wanted.

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Re: BLURT thread

Postby IanC » Thu Nov 12, 2015 5:47 pm

But I'm not bitter? Im not against someone else's happiness. I just don't care that much about it.

Im really just starting to get the feeling that I'm not wanted round here anymore. Maybe I'm just boring you all. I mean after the whole dating whoha i wouldn't blame if you are bored of me, and if do come off as nothing more than a whiner that is just an absolute tuna sandwich I wouldn't blame you all.

I really, really didn't intend this to become a thing. Really. I was just posting a thought i had. I really didn't think "Congrats, you had unprotected sex at the right time and got pregnant" was that bad a thing, really. Maybe i just have no empathy, or something.

fork if i know.

Looking back this post is a ramble isn't it? fork it.
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Re: BLURT thread

Postby ntw3001 » Thu Nov 12, 2015 8:52 pm

Ah well, it sounded bitter to me and I assume that's why it got the response it did. If it was just an internet misreading, there's no need to pay it any heed. Tone doesn't translate terribly well, as we all know. Hold on where was that post where I said

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Oh wait, there it is. Never mind. Well in this case we're not talking about antipathy, but I suspect people's reading of the post was coloured by past expectations. I mean, that happens in real life too — everyone interprets the things people say by their expectations of what kind of thing that person might say — but over the Internet it's definitely more pronounced. I suppose when we're creating the characterisations of people that live in our heads and are the versions of that person we imagine we're interacting with, we have less information to work with in online relationships. More of those personalities get filled in with expectations, which we then interpret as being fulfilled by what we read.

So yeah, that's probably most of it. A general antipathy towards relationships is something you've shown in the past, and I guess people read the same thing into this comment. Negative posts are going to reinforce any expectations people have, whereas positive stuff will have the opposite effect. If, say... Ponder had said it, I doubt people would think as much of it. It'd be unexpected though.

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Re: BLURT thread

Postby MysticalDescent » Fri Nov 13, 2015 7:46 pm

jvcc wrote:I had a bad class today. I have to make my students create online portfolios in a format that they won't be able to keep once they graduate. So, I consider it an unhelpful hoop my students have to jump through, and I've made that clear to them.

Unsurprisingly, they weren't into discussing the example portfolios I had them look at, so class was finished ridiculously early. Plus I had to scold two students for talking to each other. It's a habit with them, but I feel I was a bit too snarky.

Doing poorly as a teacher just makes me feel decidedly unpleasant for the rest of the day, or at least for a while afterwards. Ugh.


I actually find that I sometimes have a similar problem to that. Today I had a class on some generic skills stuff and the work that I'd been given for the students to do was a touch on the easy side for them. I suspected that the students found it to be a patronising exercise and weren't enjoying themselves.

I'm not sure what I would have done in this situation two years ago when I started out, but it probably would have involved slavishly sticking to the work and everybody feeling miserable afterwards. This time, I decided that I needed to be a bit more flexible and having made sure that they were actually all fine with the work, I turned the final third of the exercise into an ad libbing thing that still got the point of the work across while being a lot more fun. It finished a few minutes earlier than it should have, but it went well and everybody seemed to leave in good spirits. It felt a lot better than some awful catch up classes that I had last year where getting the students to engage was just downright impossible - or I was possibly just no good.

I'm rubbish at scolding people, though. There's a bit of an unwritten rule at university (or at least there is here) that you don't actually need to tell anybody off, because they all want to be there.
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Re: BLURT thread

Postby sum yun gai » Sat Nov 14, 2015 3:30 am

IanC wrote:But I'm not bitter? Im not against someone else's happiness. I just don't care that much about it.

Im really just starting to get the feeling that I'm not wanted round here anymore. Maybe I'm just boring you all. I mean after the whole dating whoha i wouldn't blame if you are bored of me, and if do come off as nothing more than a whiner that is just an absolute tuna sandwich I wouldn't blame you all.

I really, really didn't intend this to become a thing. Really. I was just posting a thought i had. I really didn't think "Congrats, you had unprotected sex at the right time and got pregnant" was that bad a thing, really. Maybe i just have no empathy, or something.

fork if i know.

Looking back this post is a ramble isn't it? fork it.


I will say that I thought your original post about being sarcastic at a pregnant person came off as cynical but added to your reactions in the other thread probably compounded the way others here viewed your actual meaning. I don't think there's anything wrong with being less than interested in what other people like, but you do have a tendency to speak up and draw attention to yourself over these kinds of things as though you need to insert yourself into something just to make sure other people know you're miserable/disapproving of their choices. I don't think anyone here would say you're not welcome to keep posting though, even if we have been butting heads with you over some of this stuff. If you were boring, nobody would respond at all, right? :)
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Re: BLURT thread

Postby jvcc » Sat Nov 14, 2015 11:14 am

MysticalDescent wrote:
jvcc wrote:I had a bad class today. I have to make my students create online portfolios in a format that they won't be able to keep once they graduate. So, I consider it an unhelpful hoop my students have to jump through, and I've made that clear to them.

Unsurprisingly, they weren't into discussing the example portfolios I had them look at, so class was finished ridiculously early. Plus I had to scold two students for talking to each other. It's a habit with them, but I feel I was a bit too snarky.

Doing poorly as a teacher just makes me feel decidedly unpleasant for the rest of the day, or at least for a while afterwards. Ugh.


I actually find that I sometimes have a similar problem to that. Today I had a class on some generic skills stuff and the work that I'd been given for the students to do was a touch on the easy side for them. I suspected that the students found it to be a patronising exercise and weren't enjoying themselves.

I'm not sure what I would have done in this situation two years ago when I started out, but it probably would have involved slavishly sticking to the work and everybody feeling miserable afterwards. This time, I decided that I needed to be a bit more flexible and having made sure that they were actually all fine with the work, I turned the final third of the exercise into an ad libbing thing that still got the point of the work across while being a lot more fun. It finished a few minutes earlier than it should have, but it went well and everybody seemed to leave in good spirits. It felt a lot better than some awful catch up classes that I had last year where getting the students to engage was just downright impossible - or I was possibly just no good.

I'm rubbish at scolding people, though. There's a bit of an unwritten rule at university (or at least there is here) that you don't actually need to tell anybody off, because they all want to be there.


My usual strategy is to start off strict at the beginning of the semester then ease up as it progresses. Otherwise the students tend to walk all over you.

But I also find that I run out of lessons and activities towards the end of the semester as well. I imagine these are things I'll improve on as I get more experience, though. In spite of everything this has definitely been my best semester teaching and I know most of my students like me.

That's not my only criterion for the effectiveness of the course, it's just reassuring.
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Re: BLURT thread

Postby IanC » Sat Nov 14, 2015 8:16 pm

I'm starting to think that for some strange reason I want to be hated. It makes no sense, does it?
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Re: BLURT thread

Postby jvcc » Sun Nov 15, 2015 12:00 pm

In the past, when my brother has gone through a rough patch he has been very negative and, at times, rude or downright mean to the people around him.

I think there's a number of reasons for this. He feels like he has to test the people in the life, to see if they really love him. He also tends not to internalize thoughts and feelings: if he's full of negative emotions, he feels that he needs to get those outside of himself. Unfortunately, that can mean projecting them onto other people. And, maybe, during those times he thinks of himself as kind of a bastard so he tries to get other people to think of him the same way.

Obviously none of that is going to make him or the people in his life happy. The people who matter stick it out, but I have had to set up boundaries to keep myself happy and healthy too. It's a difficult balance, trying to not prevent other people from pulling you down with negativity or treating you poorly and being there for a friend or loved one who is going through a hard time and, accordingly, full of negativity, self-loathing, etc.
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Re: BLURT thread

Postby sum yun gai » Sun Nov 15, 2015 1:15 pm

I think what jvcc is trying to say is that yes, it does make a certain kind of sense, depending on how well you handle your emotions and how the people around you perceive this. I know when I used to have a very negative outlook on life, it was hard for me to accept others' happiness because it felt like they were mocking me (even if they didn't even acknowledge my existence).

I remember vividly sitting in my dorm room listening to my roommate, the guys next door to us and my roommate's girlfriend talk about going to a movie and their plan on getting there, etc etc. They never once spoke to me about this, and I felt like they were purposely excluding me so I made a snide comment like "Oh thanks for inviting me!" When they pointed out they *did* in fact invite me a week ago and I said I was going to a basketball game that night (which was true on both counts) they thought I wasn't interested in the movie so they didn't ask again. I guess this story is meant to say that sometimes you have to know when you're about to make yourself come off badly, but when you're in the moment it can be incredibly difficult to know how to keep it under control.
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Re: BLURT thread

Postby IanC » Sun Nov 15, 2015 3:51 pm

i don't really feel like I'm going through a rough patch though?
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Re: BLURT thread

Postby IanC » Sun Nov 22, 2015 6:57 pm

get matched with someone that sound really cool. send a message. its a poopcakes message. no chance of a reply. why am i bothering with this bullhonky? i might as well just off myself now. whats the point. no one is ever going to want to be with me. ever. I'm a horrible human being, no one likes me. no one. im ugly as poopcakes. im a saddo with no social life.

fork it all. bye
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Re: BLURT thread

Postby IanC » Tue Nov 24, 2015 5:46 pm

yep, you all hate me and my whining don't you. i might as well never come here again then. forum is dying anyway, why should i bother
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