Poetry is art, too

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Poetry is art, too

Postby Zombie Protestor » Tue Jan 09, 2007 6:25 pm

Well, I've decided to unload my small collection of personally written pieces upon you. Enjoy.

Smile

You have the most beautiful smile,
The most beautiful face.
Wherever you are
Becomes the most beautiful place.

You have the most wonderful smile,
The most wonderful love.
Wherever you are
There's always blue skies above.

You have the most radiant smile,
The most radiant eyes.
Wherever you are
Feels like a beautiful sunrise.

You have the most incredible smile,
The most incredible charms.
Forever you are
Here, loved, embraced in my arms.


Human

Cloud and moon
The eternal empyrean waltz
It calls
Awakens
Something human.


Untitled

I saw the sun within the sky;
Its light shone down on me.
And I asked it, pray tell, by and by,
"What wonders do you see?"
The golden orb just went along
Upon its wayward track.
I just looked up, upon the sun
And it just kept looking back.
In time it sank below the land
With colors so severe,
And every night it dies again
While we, alone, stay here.


And my favorite (especially the last part):
Futility

A warrior died a noble death
On the noble plains of war,
And sat he now in Heaven's halls
With a sage of hidden lore,
And told he then of battles fought
Of cities lost and won.
So bragged the warrior about such feats;
Of great things that he had done.
And when the warrior's tale was through
The sage then shook his head.
"It seems you've lived your life in vain,"
The wisened man then said.
"For all you've done, and all you've ruined,
Would be done then anyway,
For time will come and take the man,
And his name and deeds away.
It is no hidden secret,
That time consumeth all,
With a patience like a hammer
That beats upon the walls."
This post not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If numbness or tingling persists for more than an hour after reading, please consult a physician.

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Postby Chrono Crow » Tue Jan 09, 2007 6:58 pm

Words are what I excel at. I enjoy writing stories and poems, despite how shallow and silly they are. My only personal rule: All poems MUST rhyme.

http://chronobrain.deviantart.com/gallery/

Most of them are chapters of stories I've done/started. Read any of them that you want. Some are more personal than others, but you guys know pretty much all there is to know about me, so whatever.
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Postby Circuitous » Tue Jan 09, 2007 7:04 pm

Never cared for poetry... but carry on.
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Postby maychorian » Tue Jan 09, 2007 7:11 pm

Very nice, Zombie. :D I used to write a lot more poetry than I do now. Maybe I'll dig a couple up.

...

Ha ha! I forgot about this one. It's a legend from Maychoria! Forgotten with good reason, it looks like.

Song of the First Wars of Men

Shadowed, Unshadowed, surged forth on the plain,
Sword, spear, and red armor; blood fell like rain.
Grim fought Unshadowed, untutored, untrained,
Driv'n by enemies while blood fell like rain.

Down fell the Dwarven Prince, faith his last cry,
Loyalty eternal, but death lingered nigh.
"No longer immortal," the grass seemed to sigh,
"Join now oblivion--your death is nigh."

No swords had Unshadowed, prepared not for war.
Foe came without warning, as blackness outpoured.
In Wilders long hungered, their envy a sore,
They came on the storm's wing, and blackness outpoured.

A scythe and a sickle, an ax meant for wood,
Breadknife in maid's hand, fought while they could.
Smith's hammer, wright's chisel, fell where they stood,
Though it was futile, they fought while they could.

A village torn empty, dwarves dead on the plain,
Poor, lost Unshadowed! Weep for old pain.
Your maidens are stolen, your children are slain.
You now who listen, weep for old pain.

Who will remember the names of the lost?
Their gravestones are age-worn, covered with frost.
All you who listen, forget to your cost--
Shadow is death, and surrender is frost.

Shadow is death, and surrender is frost.
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Postby Zombie Protestor » Tue Jan 09, 2007 8:27 pm

Mind if I suggest some changes? The rhythm seems to be a bit off on this poem. Read it again with the italicized additions and see what you think.

Song of the First Wars of Men

Shadowed, Unshadowed, surged forth on the plain,
Sword, spear, and red armor; blood fell like the rain.
Grim fought Unshadowed, untutored, untrained,
Driv'n by enemies while blood fell like rain.

Down fell the Dwarf Prince, faith his last fettered cry,
Loyalty eternal, but death lingered nigh.
"No longer immortal," the grass seemed to sigh,
"Join now oblivion--your death is come nigh."

No swords had Unshadowed, prepared not for war.
Foe came without warning, as blackness outpoured.
In Wilders long hungered, their envy a sore,
They came on storm's wing, and blackness outpoured.

A scythe and a sickle, an ax meant for wood,
Breadknife in maid's hand, they fought while they could.
Smith's hammer, wright's chisel, they fell where they stood,
And though it was futile, they fought while they could.

A village torn empty, dwarves dead on the plain,
Poor, lost Unshadowed! Weep long for old pain.
Your maidens are stolen, your children are slain.
You now who listen, weep long for old pain.

Who will remember the names of the lost?
Their gravestones are age-worn, and covered with frost.
All you who listen, forget to your cost--
Shadow is death, and surrender is frost.

Shadow is death, and surrender is frost.
This post not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If numbness or tingling persists for more than an hour after reading, please consult a physician.

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Postby maychorian » Tue Jan 09, 2007 9:22 pm

Okay, I'm pretty sure I remember revising this to death back when I first wrote it, when I was fifteen or sixteen or so. Other writers gave me their opinion too, and I thought I was satisfied with it. Let me see if I can remember my reasoning.

The way I read it, it sounds fine, because I place the accents (also called "feet," I believe) on the syllables to make it sound right, I think. Earlier versions did not sound right when read aloud. I do remember counting the syllables in each line to try to make them match, though--earlier versions were all over the place.

Now, I'm not saying my version is perfect, and it's entirely possible that I'm wrong, or that I forced myself into an unnatural mode of speaking to make it sound good. But it's been a number of years since I last read it to myself, and it still came pretty easily off my tongue. This doesn't necessarily mean anything, I guess.

Shadowed, Unshadowed, surged forth on the plain,

Four accents, ten syllables.

Sword, spear, and red armor; blood fell like rain.

Five accents (two in a row, so they sound kinda like one) and ten syllables.

Grim fought Unshadowed, untutored, untrained,

Four accents, eleven syllables.

Driv'n by enemies while blood fell like rain.

Your version added some unaccented syllables, so it sounded pretty much the same when I read it aloud. I mean, both worked for me.

Down fell the Dwarven Prince, faith his last cry, (4 accents, 10 syllables)
Loyalty eternal, but death lingered nigh. (4 accents, 11 syllables)
"No longer immortal," the grass seemed to sigh, (4 accents, 11 syllables)
"Join now oblivion--your death is nigh." (4 accents, 10 syllables)

I admit I had some trouble reading your version of this stanza aloud, probably because they accents fell strangely for me.

Eh, the rest of the poem is pretty much the same. Mostly four accents in each line, with ten or eleven syllables. Most of your additions I read unaccented, so it worked fine for me either way. Some of your revisions I liked, though, and I'm considering keeping them.

I recorded myself reading both versions (not very good readings, though, sorry, and I apologize for the horrendous buzz and explosive sibilants) and uploaded them on the internet, if you're curious enough to waste time and bandwidth downloading them. Cuz I mean, your readings could be different, which would make me both wrong and presumptuous.

http://www.sharebigfile.com/file/56010/first-wars-wav.html

http://www.sharebigfile.com/file/56013/first-wars-2-wav.html
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Postby Saltine » Tue Jan 09, 2007 9:38 pm

Hopkins vs. the Falling Heavy Object

Hopkins was rushing at 8:58 to get to the office without being late. His strides were quite hurried and harried and long, and his mind failed to notice that something was wrong. So while others around him took cover and stared, Hopkins ignored the big thing in the air. And it wasn’t until he had stopped at a light that he had the faint inkling of something not right. He first was aware of a whistling sound, and then of a shadow which grew on the ground. And tilting his head to look up toward the sky, he was suddenly certain: "I’m going to die."

And the heavy thing rapidly traversed the space that remained between it and our poor Hopkins’ face. Hopkins threw up his hands as the object drew near. It plunged and it hurtled; he cowered in fear. One hundred feet, fifty feet, twenty feet, ten. Two yards, a cubit, six inches, and then:

And then nothing happened. Hopkins was alive. The object had stopped at four inches or five. Hopkins gazed up in shock (as did bystanding folk) and was doubly amazed when the heavy thing spoke!

"HOW DARE YOU?" it boomed as it hung there suspended, "YOUR BEHAVIOR JUST NOW MAKES ME DEEPLY OFFENDED! I NEVER INTENDED ON CAUSING YOU HARM, YET YOU CRINGED AND YOU FLINCHED AND YOU GAPED IN ALARM!"

Hopkins’ mind reeled as he tried to make sense of this strange situation, and said in defense: "I’m sorry my actions were lacking in tact, but how else should a person expect to react? You were falling upon me! You threatened collision! Why is my fear being met with derision?"

The thing floated ’round in a quick angry arc. "WHAT A REPUGNANTLY MASSIST REMARK! THERE WAS NO COLLISION! THE THREAT WAS NOT TRUE! HOW DARE YOU PREJUDGE THE THINGS HEAVY THINGS DO?"

Hopkins was stunned by the thing’s accusation. He’d never felt guilty of discrimination. He’d never felt biased by race, sex, or creed, so Hopkins took umbrage at what it decreed. "I, sir, am no bigot! I’m rather enlightened! But I still must defend my right to be frightened! It’s only a question of simple mechanics! The math tells a man he is right if he panics! The precepts of physics are valid, of course! It’s all just momentum, inertia, and force!"

"PHYSICS? ALL BUNK!" it replied with defiance, "A CONTEMPTIBLE FRAUD LIKE THE REST OF YOUR ‘SCIENCE’. PREDICTING BEHAVIOR WITHOUT A JUST CAUSE. TAKING THEORIES AND HEARSAY AND CALLING THEM ‘LAWS’! IF IT’S REALLY SO SIMPLE, AS YOU YOURSELF SAID, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN BIG OBJECTS FALL ON FOLKS’ HEADS?"

"Well, luckily, no. On every occasion, the target performed a successful evasion. But I’ve seen it in movies. I’ve read it in tales. I’ve read it in sundry electronic mails. I’ve seen it in many a comic cartoon, where characters’ fates are quite inopportune. I’ve seen it in newspapers and Time Magazine, and last but not least on the old TV screen."

Hopkins was confident about his reply, but the big heavy object released a big sigh. "CAN YOU NOT SEE THE PROFOUND CONTRADICTION? MOST OF YOUR SOURCES ARE NOTHING BUT FICTION! AND THE ONE OR TWO TRUE STORIES YOU HAVE IN MIND ARE JUST NOT ENOUGH TO JUDGE ME AND MY KIND! IF A SINGLE HUMAN COMMITS MURDER SOMEWHERE, DO WE SEND ALL MANKIND TO THE ELECTRIC CHAIR? BIG THINGS GET MISTREATED BY MEN ALL THE TIME. PERHAPS I SHOULD CHARGE YOU FOR EACH OF THOSE CRIMES."

And as if the thing’s sentence would be carried out, it resumed falling, which made Hopkins shout, "No, please, heavy object! I beg you to wait! Please let us continue our friendly debate! If I can convince you that I’m not to blame, will you go back to the place from whence you came?" The heavy thing once again halted mid-air. "ALL RIGHT," it responded, "I GUESS THAT SEEMS FAIR. BUT IF YOUR NEXT ARGUMENT FAILS TO PERSUADE, CONSIDER YOUR PUNISHMENT MERELY DELAYED."

And though Hopkins was nervous, and covered in sweat, and deeply afraid of the heavy thing’s threat, he gathered his thoughts to support his position, cleared his throat twice, and gave this exposition: "You claimed I was prejudiced, and I fully agree. But EVERYONE’s prejudiced, as you will soon see. If you always wanted to know all the facts, before you reacted, you’d never react! There’s just never enough of the right information, and if you just wait then it leads to stagnation! Sometimes you just have to rely on assumption! Why you’re just as guilty of this type of gumption. You assumed I knew English. You assumed I could hear. You assumed you discerned an expression of fear. Did you verify? quantify? fully observe? Did you give all the data the thought they deserve? Did you fail to neglect the submicroscopic? Did you read every book which pertains to the topic? Of course not! Who’d bother to take such a breather? Time waits for no man (nor heavy thing, neither.)

"As long as we realize that they could be wrong, prejudgments are needed to get us along. And though I agree that they lead to infractions, people rely on their quick gut reactions. And we will continue to function this way, correcting the judgments which lead us astray. And this gives us science, and this gives us lore. This gives us religion, and many things more. Stereotypes and the products thereof are useful when tempered by kindness and love." And that’s what he said, without pause or revision. "I’m finished. I humbly await your decision."

And the big heavy object swayed side to side, for about thirty seconds, and then it replied: "I’M NOT SURE I AGREE WITH YOUR WHOLE DISSERTATION, BUT CLEARLY THE MATTER DESERVES CONTEMPLATION. SURELY I’LL GRANT THAT ASSUMPTIONS ARE NEEDED, BUT I THINK THERE’S A LIMIT THAT SOME HAVE EXCEEDED. I NEED TIME TO DETERMINE WHICH VIRTUE IS GREATER, SO I’LL GO AWAY NOW AND COME BACK AGAIN LATER. I’LL HAVE TO CONSIDER ALL ISSUES INVOLVED. IT MAY TAKE A WHILE UNTIL IT’S RESOLVED. BUT IF YOU’RE FOUND GUILTY, WHATEVER THE YEAR, BEWARE THAT YOUR SENTENCE WILL BE MOST SEVERE. UNTIL NEXT WE MEET, MR. HOPKINS, GOODBYE." And with that, the thing rocketed back to the sky.

The crowd cheered as the object flew to the heavens, but Hopkins pressed on; it was now 9:07. He’d get to the office nine minutes too late, so he loosened his tie while he hastened his gait. He hadn’t the time to consider this plight, and he crossed the street quickly and walked out of sight.

And Hopkins lived on for many more seasons, making assumptions for various reasons. The big heavy object never returned, so he never knew what sorts of things it had learned. Did it ever decide that Hopkins was correct? Or does it lack data it needs to select?
--Saltine

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Postby maychorian » Tue Jan 09, 2007 9:44 pm

Wow. That's quite a masterpiece.
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Postby Zombie Protestor » Tue Jan 09, 2007 9:59 pm

Wow, Saltine's like the Dr. Seuss for grownups.
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Postby Circuitous » Tue Jan 09, 2007 10:18 pm

I RESCIND MY PREVIOUS COMMENT. That rocked.
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Postby Zombie Protestor » Tue Jan 09, 2007 10:34 pm

maychorian wrote:Sound clips


I'll read off my take on it when I get home and record it, if I can get on the computer.
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Postby giantsfan97 » Tue Jan 09, 2007 10:42 pm

Saltine, that rocked!
I love this post so much I'm going to take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant!

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Postby Chrono Crow » Tue Jan 09, 2007 11:04 pm

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Postby Circuitous » Tue Jan 09, 2007 11:11 pm

THAT'S NOT POETRY.
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Postby Zombie Protestor » Tue Jan 09, 2007 11:13 pm

Double U
Double U
Double U DOT

Kenbmiller
Dot Com

SLASH!

...paintings... *bongo drum solo*
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Postby Nik » Tue Jan 09, 2007 11:18 pm

*finger snaps*
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Postby Dusk » Wed Jan 10, 2007 12:40 am

Saltine. Wow.
That was rather brilliant.

I'm going to be thinking in rhymes for the rest of the day. :?
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Postby maychorian » Wed Jan 10, 2007 12:43 am

Zombie Protestor wrote:
maychorian wrote:Sound clips


I'll read off my take on it when I get home and record it, if I can get on the computer.


I do find it quite funny that we're discussing this silly old thing at all. I mean, eight years ago I remember debating such subtle differences as "Sword and spear, red armor" versus "Sword, spear, and red armor," and "Wholly futile" versus "Entirely futile" versus "Futile as it was" . . . etc. And I was quite proud of how it ended up.

But now I look back at it and it seems pretentious and purple prose-y and entirely unworthy of any sort of attention at all, let alone discussioin.
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Postby fanelian » Wed Jan 10, 2007 2:05 am

Wow. Zombie: Futility is great. Saltine: wow.

I have nothing worthy to show off! :P
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Postby giantsfan97 » Wed Jan 10, 2007 2:44 am

fanelian wrote:I have nothing worthy to show off! :P
That is a filthy filthy lie. I think we all know what I'm talking about.
I love this post so much I'm going to take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant!

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Postby Chrono Crow » Wed Jan 10, 2007 5:20 am

fanelian wrote:Wow. Zombie: Futility is great. Saltine: wow.


:?

Does my poetry really suck that bad?
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Postby Dusk » Wed Jan 10, 2007 9:47 am

Chrono Crow wrote:Does my poetry really suck that bad?


Huh. Not even that could lure Traubster out of hiding..
No, it doesn't suck, Chrono. I liked the stars one, but I think you should just hurry up and pop the question to Moni already. :p
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Postby fanelian » Wed Jan 10, 2007 2:28 pm

Chrono Crow wrote:
fanelian wrote:Wow. Zombie: Futility is great. Saltine: wow.


:?

Does my poetry really suck that bad?


Of course not. It's just that it is so much above me...

Edit: this is in reference to the painting post, not the real poetry, which I haven't read yet.
Last edited by fanelian on Wed Jan 10, 2007 2:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Chrono Crow » Wed Jan 10, 2007 2:29 pm

Yeah, I've written a lot of mush. But hey, it's better than half the angsty junk you see on DeviantArt.

"No one will ever understand me
While the world atrophies!"

Ugh. But yeah, the stars and snow ones are the ones I'm most proud of.
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Postby Nik » Wed Jan 10, 2007 2:31 pm

I don't have a sample of my poetry (I think my stuff is back at school) but I tend to use free-form, and almost none of my poems rhyme. I don't like them to, it feels uncomfortable and forced to me. Yes, I've tried it. I've written quite a few. One turned out good. I wonder where it is.

If I find anything, I'll post it here.
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giantsfan97 wrote:Nik = least threatening person on this board :D

Dude, she's like 8 feet tall.


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