Overheard - The Official Thread

What? You like other sites besides Spamusement? Unacceptable!

Postby quetzalcoatlus » Fri Dec 05, 2008 6:05 pm

Saltine wrote:RUN ESCAPE MONEY

THERE IS NO ESCAPE FROM MONEY!
PonderThis wrote:Back in olden times people found solace in Jesus. Nowadays it's Sonic The Hedgehog.
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Postby sum yun gai » Fri Dec 05, 2008 10:51 pm

Saltine wrote:RUN ESCAPE MONEY


C:\>ESCAPE MONEY
Bad command or file name.
Abort, Retry, Ignore, Fail?
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Postby loofah » Sat Dec 06, 2008 1:23 pm

Saltine wrote:RUN ESCAPE MONEY


sum yun gai wrote:C:\>ESCAPE MONEY
Bad command or file name.
Abort, Retry, Ignore, Fail?

Abort, Retry, Ignore, Fail?abort
Abort, Retry, Ignore, Fail?retry
Abort, Retry, Ignore, Fail?fail
Abort, Retry, Ignore, Fail?

quetzalcoatlus wrote:THERE IS NO ESCAPE FROM MONEY!
*sigh* I guess I should have just trusted you.
Saltine wrote:This is all logically consistent, but the artist does not go on to explain that you love Hitler. See, this is why logicians don't write popular music.
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Postby Skimba » Wed Dec 10, 2008 3:22 pm

9AM And I Was Like, "Mission Accomplished!"

Female coworker #1: By that time I was drunk enough to run in there myself. So I bought one of 'em. It was like a regular condom, but it had these little pink things...
Female coworker #2: You bought a french tickler?
Female coworker #1: Yeah! So we blew it up at our table and started using it as a volleyball. It was really fun for a while, and then I spiked it into the priest's head and we were asked to leave the reception.
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russian porn site

Postby yue101qi734 » Mon Jan 05, 2009 7:59 pm

is russian porn site safe??every one know.
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Postby EvilJekyll » Mon Jan 05, 2009 8:14 pm

No, I hear you can get STDs from him.
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Postby James » Tue Jan 06, 2009 5:26 pm

I overheard something at work as this silly woman who will be leaving this Friday was saying it to me.

us: You should use Firefox, it's nicer than Internet Explorer
her: I don't like Firefox, I'm a Google girl
me: Do you want me to install Google Chrome on your computer?
her: No, I don't like Google Chrome
me: So what does your being a "Google girl" have to do with Firefox? Google and Mozilla have traditionally had a good relationship, only slightly soured by the release of Google Chrome
her: [minutes of complete illogic, without any satisfying resolution]
me: [exasperated attempts at reasoning with her]

True story. More or less.
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Postby catastrophile » Tue Jan 06, 2009 5:44 pm

James wrote:I'm a Google girl

Is she in a calendar or something?
[/bastard]
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Postby James » Tue Jan 06, 2009 6:11 pm

Good god, I hope not.

She's very large, and her arse is even larger.

SORRY LARGE PEOPLE, BUT I DO NOT FIND THAT PROSPECT APPEALING.

I guess it would be OK for her to be in a calendar as long as I never ever saw it or knew about it.
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Postby Saltine » Wed Jan 07, 2009 11:24 am

STEATOPYGOUS PARADOX ALERT
BUTTOCKS LARGER THAN WHOLE PERSON
FABRIC OF REALITY IN JEOPARDY
DEPLOY SINGULARITY SHIELDING SWEAT PANTS IMMEDIATELY
STAND BY WITH AUXILIARY EVENT HORIZON MUMU
--Saltine
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Postby PonderThis » Wed Jan 07, 2009 12:18 pm

I think Saltine just discovered the plot to the next Futurama movie.
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Postby James » Wed Jan 07, 2009 7:09 pm

Saltine wrote:STEATOPYGOUS PARADOX ALERT
BUTTOCKS LARGER THAN WHOLE PERSON
FABRIC OF REALITY IN JEOPARDY
DEPLOY SINGULARITY SHIELDING SWEAT PANTS IMMEDIATELY
STAND BY WITH AUXILIARY EVENT HORIZON MUMU

WHAT I MEANT IS THAT HER ARSE IS DISPROPORTIONATELY LARGE EVEN COMPARED TO HER ALREADY LARGE FRAME.

Actually, I was on the other end of a similar blunder ALSO AT WORK. I was saying something about someone leaving a crumb on their desk, and a co-worker said "What you don't realize is that within every single crumb is a thousand smaller crumbs". I pointed out that this necessitates that there be infinite crumbs in the universe (technically there could also be none at all, but I didn't think of that at the time), and the co-worker argued with this for ages until he eventually agreed that, for his statement to be consistent, that would have to be true.

RECURSIVE DEFINITION or something.
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Postby jvcc » Wed Jan 07, 2009 7:21 pm

I think someone should make a webcomic or sitcom of James's work experiences.
ntw3001 wrote:you can't get raped if you always say yes
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Postby James » Wed Jan 07, 2009 7:32 pm

Quite a lot of it would be my texting Neil horrible things about my co-workers so that I don't have to say them out loud and make everything really awkward. IT IS HOW I FUNCTION.
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Postby quetzalcoatlus » Thu Jan 08, 2009 9:34 pm

So, I liked this one on overheard everywhere:

Substitute teacher to class: I have a theory that everything in the world is derived from grilled cheese sandwiches.
Student: What about things made out of meat? You know, like animals and people?
Substitute teacher: That's where my theory ends.
PonderThis wrote:Back in olden times people found solace in Jesus. Nowadays it's Sonic The Hedgehog.
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Postby jvcc » Fri Jan 09, 2009 6:32 pm

I like this overheard in New York one:

Sure Hope Carlos Likes Kool-Aid

Black guy: dang! You got a pretty face!
(pretty Latina turns around and ignores him)
Black guy (taking seat halfway down train): Dang! How you going to turn around on me like that?
(pretty Latina ignores him)
Black guy (very loudly): How are you going to turn around like that?
(pretty Latina now looks embarrassed)
Black guy (pulling out guitar from case): This song goes out to the girl with the pretty face! She's over there! With the long hair and the boots!
(people turn and look, pretty Latina looks very embarrassed now)
Black guy (singing to tune of "My Girl"): Come on everyone! Even the white people--join in! (sings) I've got sunshine, on a cloudy day. When it's cold outside, I've got the month of may. (people start to join in, pretty Latina's friends are cheering and singing)
Black guy (singing): My girl! She's got black boots! The one with the long hair! C'mon girl! If you let me take you home...I'll...I'll...make you some Kool-Aid!
(pretty Latina gets off train)
Black guy: Ah, hell no! (pause). Alright, this one's for the guy with the ball! (pointing to guy with soccer ball under arm) His name's Carlos! He's from Puerto Rico!
ntw3001 wrote:you can't get raped if you always say yes
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Postby quetzalcoatlus » Fri Jan 09, 2009 7:34 pm

I was trying to think of what song he could possibly sing to Carlos, and for some reason what first popped in my head was:

His name is Carlos
From Puerto Rico
With a soccer ball under his arm
And a dress cut down to... smarm?
PonderThis wrote:Back in olden times people found solace in Jesus. Nowadays it's Sonic The Hedgehog.
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Postby jvcc » Fri Jan 09, 2009 10:09 pm

You may want to break out your troll thesaurus.
ntw3001 wrote:you can't get raped if you always say yes
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Postby catastrophile » Thu Jan 29, 2009 7:01 pm

[/bastard]
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Postby katzenkoenig » Fri Jan 30, 2009 7:01 am

Skimba wrote:And she laughed and laughed...'cause she knew she wasn't wearing any pants.
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Postby catastrophile » Thu Feb 26, 2009 1:34 am

[/bastard]
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Postby quetzalcoatlus » Thu Feb 26, 2009 2:53 am

catastrophile wrote:http://www.overheardintheoffice.com/archives/008512.html

I now almost want to start calling up places and asking "is this the internet?". Or if I had the guts, I would go walking down the street asking people directions to the internet.

Oh also:

Motorist at detour: What do you mean I have to go around? I can't go around! What's going on?
Frustrated firefighter: Fire Department activity sir.
Motorist: What kind of Fire Department activity?
Frustrated firefighter: Arts and crafts, sir. Move along.
PonderThis wrote:Back in olden times people found solace in Jesus. Nowadays it's Sonic The Hedgehog.
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Postby catastrophile » Tue Mar 24, 2009 4:29 pm

[/bastard]
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Postby PonderThis » Tue Mar 24, 2009 4:37 pm

catastrophile wrote:http://www.overheardeverywhere.com/archives/005480.html
Admit it. You're "Drunken guy from end of the bar".
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