Overheard - The Official Thread

[catastrophile]

http://www.overheardeverywhere.com/archives/005480.html

Admit it. You're "Drunken guy from end of the bar".

. . .

[Skimba]

Because a Watched Sea Never Boils.
Enraptured girl, watching sunset with boyfriend: I just love it when the sun sinks into the sea like this! But I have a question...
Boy: Huh? What?
Girl, turning serious: Why doesn't the sea boil?

--Kauai, Hawaii

Favorite for the week:
And Why Are You Wearing That Silly Human Suit?
Suit to man with cat on his head: Why is there a cat on your head?
Man with cat on his head: Why isn't there a cat on your head, douchebag?

[Nik]

I liked your favorite, too. It reminded me of family guy. "Why aren't you naked?" "You're all right, Griffin"

[Skimba]

Yes.

[quetzalcoatlus]

Creepy patron: How's the cheesecake?
Bored waitress: It's as close to heaven as you can get!
Creepy patron: Well, people have different interpretations of heaven.
Bored waitress: (says nothing)
Creepy patron: Mine's a warm woman.
Bored waitress: Well, we're not serving those today. Just cheesecake.

[Skimba]

10AM We Apologize for Bothering You by Phone, But We've Already Put a Symbol in the Sky to No Avail


CSR: Hello Mrs. Batman? This is Robin calling from your hearing aid company about your recent hearing aid purchase. (pause) No, I'm not kidding. My name really is Robin and I'm calling about your hearing aid.

10AM Have You Tried Consulting Our Ouija Board?

Bookseller in children's department: Can I help you find anything?
Mother: Has CS Lewis written anything new lately?

5PM ...and We Put Them in the Tacos

Store manager: These new shoes make me feel like I'm walking on dead babies. (pause) You know, before they hit rigor mortis.

[Skimba]

Clueless IT guy setting up new computer: Jeff, there's something wrong with your new computer. I can't get a CD to fit in the drive.
Jeff: Maybe it's because you have the computer upside down.

Rochester, New York
------------------------------------------
3PM But I Am One Step Closer to Douchebaggery

Boss: Why do you have a new BlackBerry?
Salesperson: Because I am awesome.
Boss: You don't even know how to use it, do you?
Salesperson: Uh... No.

Augusta, Georgia
--------------------------------------------------
5PM We Won't Pretend to Understand Australian Soap Operas

Girl #1: Actually, I think her parents were brother and sister by adoption.
Girl #2: Does that mean she's an albino?

Sydney
Australia
----------------------------------------------------
4PM Tomorrow I'm Going to Experiment with Stabbing and Bludgeoning

Boss: They're all pissed off cuz I yelled at them. I don't know why I yelled at them. It just felt good.

Washington, DC
------------------------------------------------------
2PM I Suggest You Switch to Diet Pepsi

Office Mormon to guy drinking beer at dinner: Dude, you're so drunk.
Drinker: I don't tell you what it's like to be Mormon, so you don't tell me what it's like to be drunk.

Honolulu, Hawaii
----------------------------------------------------
My favorite for the morning:

4PM And Save Some For Me

Boss who never listens: I need you to pick up the trash in the parking lot before the bank comes today.

Worker: Pork chop sandwiches!

Boss who never listens: Okay, great, let me know when you are done.

Lakewood, Washington

[PonderThis]

4PM And Save Some For Me

Boss who never listens: I need you to pick up the trash in the parking lot before the bank comes today.

Worker: Pork chop sandwiches!

Boss who never listens: Okay, great, let me know when you are done.

One of the best ones ever.

[Skimba]

Whole-heartedly Agreed!

[Skimba]

Plus, That Species Of Dragon Has a Much Shorter Wingspan

College girl to college guys carving dragon in the sand: Ugh! What is wrong with you?! Dragons do not have such muscular arms!

College guy: Ours does!

College girl: I am torn: do I continue arguing about tiny dragon arms as if dragons are real or move on to mocking you for giving your dragon the biceps you wish you had?

--Virginia Beach, Virginia

[Dusk]

I hope those v's were consummate.

[catastrophile]

Dusky?

[PonderThis]

Dusky?

He might have been on vacation in Brisbane. I say: PLAUSIBLE.

[Judas Maccabeus]

Thanks, Lifetime Movie Marathon!
Girl: Did you just get a vagina?
Boy: I think it's bleeding.



Wait wait wait wait WHAT?

[catastrophile]

Dusky?

He might have been on vacation in Brisbane. I say: PLAUSIBLE.

How about this one?

[Dusk]

Dusky?

He might have been on vacation in Brisbane. I say: PLAUSIBLE.

haha He can't fit in a high chair anymore.

[catastrophile]

So that was the problem?

[Skimba]

Mom's a Real New Yorker
Six-year-old girl #1: I'm going to David & Buster's with my dad.
Six-year-old girl #2: You have a dad!?
Six-year-old girl #1: Yeah, I have a dad. You make it sound like he died or something.
Six-year-old girl #2: But you said your mom isn't married.
Six-year-old girl #1: She isn't.
Six-year-old girl #2: Why not?
Six-year-old girl #1: Because she has a brain. That's what she says. Right, mom?

--Uptown 6 Train



4PM Kids! How Many Things Can You Find Wrong with This Quote!
Intern #1: Sorry, I can't go out tonight. I have to get a tattoo.
Intern #2: Oh, what are you getting?
Intern #1: This proverb: "time wasted can never be reclaimed."
Intern #2: That's deep.
Intern #1: Yeah, it was between that and a lollipop on my hand. But I did a Twitter poll and they voted on the proverb.

Manhattan, New York

4PM When Did Muzzling Your Co-workers Fall Out Of Fashion?
Peon #1: This is going to sound stupid...
Peon #2: Don't say it then.
Peon #1: No, but seriously: when I eat peanuts, it tastes like peanut butter.
Peon #2: (stares in disbelief, then walks away)

Adelaide
South Australia

[quetzalcoatlus]

This is an old post, but:

Hello Mrs. Batman?

Totally reminded me of this time my family went to a restaurant and our server introduced himself as Batman completely straight-faced. Maybe he just got bored with saying his name over and over all day every day. Maybe he had weird parents. Regardless that guy is awesome.

[Skimba]

This one is from a while ago and from Overheard at the Beach:

...Though I Guess the Cow Also Works.

Girl, handing beach towel to gay guy: Here. This one's for you cuz it's got fruit on it.

Gay guy: Oh, I'm sorry. Where's the one with a bitch on it for you?

--Ocean City, Maryland

[Dusk]

This one is from a while ago and from Overheard at the Beach:

...Though I Guess the Cow Also Works.

Girl, handing beach towel to gay guy: Here. This one's for you cuz it's got fruit on it.

Gay guy: Oh, I'm sorry. Where's the one with a bitch on it for you?

--Ocean City, Maryland

haha isn't that just like a gay man?

[PonderThis]

haha isn't that just like a gay man?

I believe the Politically Correct term is "person of fruitiness".

[Skimba]

This explains my day today, so far anyway. I'm the hobo.

Crazy Hobo Says What We're All Thinking

Street preacher: You need the blood! The blood of Jesus!
Crazy hobo: You need a good butt rickin'-frackin'! Right in the mouth!

--Union Square

Interesting question:

Flamboyantly elegant gay guy to female friend: Would you rather lick this entire subway platform or have a homeless woman eat your pussy?

--Times Square

20-something girl #1: Well, I know I'm smarter than you.
20-something girl #2: What? Why would you say that?
20-something girl #1: I've never paid to see Sex in the City 2.

--86th St & Lexington Ave

Contemporary American Society: Encapsulated.

ER Dr : What's your boyfriend's last name?
Bimbo: I don't know, but we're friends on Facebook, I could look it up.

--Beth Israel Emergency Room


Man: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Boy: Generally impressive.

--Riverside Park

[giantsfan97]

[

Man: What do you want to be when you grow up?
NTW: Generally impressive.

sounds like something he would say

[ntw3001]

I probably did say something like that, before I grew up. And look at me now!